Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Everything is Significant

There are a few disclaimers before this post.

A: I'm on my laptop and the "d" key is really sticky. Driving me crazy. If some of my d's are left off, you might have to throw one in. This paragraph alone took me about five minutes to write because I had to go back and press hard for all the "d's."

B: There are no pictures in this post. I'm too tire to pull them off my camera, and I haven't taken very many the past couple of days. So if the pictures make you happy, more happy will come next post.

C: I almost din't write tonight because I knew I'd wake up tomorrow and feel fine, and it would be a much better day to write a post. It woul make sense and it would have pictures and I wouldn't be tired and it woul have unicorns. But I owe it to myself to write on nights like tonight. It already feels goo. Or good. Oh, and the unicorns? They're there. They're just sleepy tonight. In the barn, having a rest. But they're there. Always.

*****

I think I shoul begin by saying I sent Lainey to school today with a hot dog in her lunch and my kids had McDonald's for dinner at 7:30. Half of me has a problem with this because I don't think hot dogs and McDonald's are the healthiest things for kids (although that doesn't stop us), and half of me has a problem with this because I care what people think and a torn-up hot dog in a Tupperware on the fourth day of school doesn't exactly send the cool mom vibe I had envisioned (at least I cut an apple to go with it). Heidi picked Lainey up from school today and teased me later, "Dude. What was in her lunch box? If you're going to send a hot dog, at least cut it with a sharp knife. It was, like, ripped." This is true.

Because it was a day. Actually, it's been a bit of a week, and I know what I'm about to say is so enjoying-the-small-things-painted-on-a-plaque, but it feels good. It feels good to be frazzled and falling apart a little bit because I feel like I'm learning a lot. I feel love from friends and family. I feel good to laugh and make fun of torn-up hot dogs. I feel good to surrender to the freedom of hot mess, and I almost want to take it to the moon. Like maybe drop off Lainey for school in the morning wearing my pajamas and dragging toilet paper from my shoe because at least it would be funny. I mean, if you're having a frazzled week, you might as well go big or go home.

Oh look, the "d" is working now.

I asked Brett if I shouldn't mention this on the blog because it's his stuff and not mine and because--well, some things are private and not to be shared. But we have lots of private things (the word private makes me giggle) that we don't share, and he says he doesn't care about this one and that if writing about it feels good, then I should write about it.

Everything's fine now. Just fine. But he had some scary chest pains today and we went to the ER and they kept him overnight to do that whole we-take-chest-pain-very-seriously thing (as they should). They already did a slew of tests, and everything looks great. I'm not worried anymore. In fact, by the time I left the hospital tonight, I was taking awkward hospital pictures and sending them to friends. And if the old man one curtain over in the ER yelled "I need to call Liberty Mutual" any louder, Liberty Mutual would have heard him and showed up.

But earlier today, I was not okay. I was scared and crying and made embarrassing emotional calls to people who don't speak embarrassing emotional (it's a very sloppy language that I need to perfect). I guess nothing makes me freak more than my family in jeopardy. My family. My love.

Because I know mature and pulled-together people stay calm and level-headed during moments like this, I realized today that I must not be mature or pulled-together. I'm going to work on that. What I do know is that you rise to the occassion, always. There's an adrenaline rush that comes with those moments when life feels a little bit like it's in danger of falling apart, and it makes you feel very responsible. To your family. To yourself. Fight or flight, baby, and I'm flying.

Between kindergarten emotions and it-could-have-been-a-heart-attack, I am learning more about myself and my family. What we are capable of. How we need each other. What we can do better. We seem to learn it when life gets sticky.

We may have had happy meals for dinner, but I felt so on top of my game later tonight. I put two girls to bed with clean jammies, made Lainey's lunch, signed papers in her Wednesday folder, talked to the boys about today, had a great chat with their mom, made some calls, took my prenatal vitamins and ultimately decided to write a post.

Brett will most likely be home tomorrow, and his follow-up will go back in the private folder where it belongs. We'll move forward and feel grateful and will be making crafts and packing better lunches soon. I will keep thinking about this for a while because I think that's what these moments are for. I'll tone it down beneath "embarrassing emotional" but dial it above "insignificant" because everything is significant. ...it's how we grow.

And I can't wait to write more about Fred's on Tuesday nights, kindergarten progression and a new friend I finally met that rocked my world.

But it's late, and I am tired and it's been a very, very long day.

197 comments:

Mama in the City said...

Ahh it is so true! Health is really the bottom line for everything. Everything! For family and for love and for all the things in between.

Jessie said...

Oh thank goodness everything is okay!! I know it sounds cheesy, but since you're the queen of unicorns and rainbows, it's all good, you inspire me so much to be a more positive person. Thanks Kelly.

Jessica Smith said...

I actually do come here to read, not just look at the pictures ;) although your pics are amazing. Glad to hear Brett's ok, and wanted to tell you that you're not alone --- my kids had Happy Meals for lunch and hot dogs for dinner. Rebels, we are. LOL... some days you just do what you've gotta do.

Catherine said...

Oh hon, sorry to read about the frazzled week. Hoping Brett's feeling good very soon and that all is well. xx Get some rest.

shellycoulter said...

Glad Brett is okay! Love from Wyoming!

Shutterbug Mama said...

Lots of hugs for your family! I'm glad that everything is okay!

Sage said...

Even in your darkest moments, you are still funny as hell. What an awesome release that must be for you, to have that perspective. Thanks for the giggle, and I hope tomorrow is less stressfull.

mary {figwittage} said...

SO happy Brett is okay! Nothing wrong with a happy meal here and there :) All the cool mums do it! ;) My dad has heart issues and it worries me quite a bit. Zayn ruined my last laptop, popping off the keys... damn sticky keys! I know what you mean. xx

Michelle said...

Lots of love to you and may the rest of your week be full of rest and joy!

Win said...

My heart just soared as I saw your post, just as I was about to sign out. Of course the content makes me wish I could hug you. But I know you have a village that will do that for me. I am glad that Brett is okay, how scary. As a health care provider, I am really happy that he went to the ER because a heart attack is no joke- there is a very small window of time to get help. You guys did the right thing. Hopefully all of the tests will show that his heart is okay, the stress tests and lab work. Usually, chest pain ends up being a GI issue. Best wishes to you guys, I lovis you all so so much! And hey, thanks for sharing when everything is not perfect, it is good to know that you guys are human too =)

Sheila said...

So glad to hear Brett is alright....at least he went to the ER and had it checked out.....too many wait too long.
Heidi is such a great friend!!! Get some sleep.....you and the wee one need it!

Amy Amersons said...

Keep it real, Kelle! You are a real person with real struggles & real triumphs... & your readers LOVE it that you can be cupcakesrainbowspuppies & heyiamhavingabadday all at once. Hoping for answers regarding your husband's health & an easier time with pregnancy for you too!

Holly said...

Love that your 'd' was sticky, I don't know why but it made me laugh. And I'm thrilled you persevered through that sticky 'd' tonight.


I'm glad to hear Brett is healthy. And I'm even happier you gave yourself a break and sent a hot dog in her lunch box. Take care of yourself and your family, my dear. Family is the bright shining unicorn in the room.


Much love to you and wishes for a rather uneventful end of the week.

Kara said...

We are having a similar day today. My mom is currently in the hospital after having chest pains today too. She is also fine, but it's scary.

Brooke said...

Scary stuff! And I think you should be proud everyone got fed on such a crazy day. It could be lots worse than a happy meal. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with all your readers. You are an inspiration, even on days when you aren't feeling your best. I have found so much strength from reading your words. So thank you! And sleep tight. I hope things look lots better tomorrow.

Jessie said...

Grr. I totally spelled your name wrong. My apologies!

Hazel said...

Oh Kelle, Hugs to you Mama. What a couple of weeks you've had! I wish there was something I could do to help out.

Sending good vibes to Brett and hope he's out of ER soon. xxx

Chris said...

I am niether mature or pulled together in these types of situations...or in any situation that brings on strong emotions. I cried when I picked my girls up from their new school yesterday...I think the teachers thought I was crazy...and perhaps I am, crazy about my girls and husband and get very wrapped up in those emotions, I rarely feel or appear put together! Hope your week gets better...

gina said...

Oh girl. I'm glad to hear that your brief fear is bringing some needed clarity--but jeesh, I know how difficult today must have been for you and for your husband. As for the frazzled hot mess, get this: I looked so drastically different at 3:35 today than I did at 8:26 this morning that the bus driver almost didn't release my daughter. All moms have these days. ALL MOMS!

Jillian22 said...

Saying so many prayers for you, for Brett, and for the family! There are days that just rock our worlds... but they do give us one hell of an awesome perspective. Hug the family a bit tighter... I know I will. Much love coming your way from Wisconsin!

Staci said...

I'm so glad to hear Brett's okay. You should never feel badly for being what you might envision "uncool" to look like. You're just "cool". You really are. The part that makes you "cooler" is that we also get a glimpse of the fact that you're human, too. Thanks for that.

The Stevens Family said...

Thanks for keeping it real, your fellow hot dog mamas need to hear it sometimes! Hope your new friend's name is Glennon :)

The Stevens Family said...

Thanks for keeping it real, your fellow hot dog mamas need to hear it sometimes! Hope your new friend's name is Glennon :)

Julia said...

We've had a couple of... frazzle inducing weeks as well the last couple weeks - capped with me throwing a sleeping baby in the car at 1am, running a ton of red lights and rushing my husband to the ER for pain. Pain turned out to be only a kidney stone, thank the LORD. What I'm trying to say is that I'm nodding with you how we rise and learn when our families are threatened. Thanks for sharing, hope the week ends fabulously.

Susie said...

So glad to hear that Brett is feeling better this evening and send wishes that he's home tomorrow with a good follow-up. How scary that must have been for you. But as usual, you held it together and pushed on through. You're the (very sparkly) glue that holds your team together.

Unknown said...

So glad that all is okay with Brett, and I understand follow up private folder, but please keep us informed, cuz we care, that's why.
The Iacangeol Family from cow town Tracy Ca

Krystle said...

I love it! Not that Brett had chest pains. But the fact that sometimes shit happens, we can over react, think the worst etc... Being a mother on its own can be frickn' exhausting. When it can get a bit much & crap goes on - its comforting to know your not alone. We have all have bad days or weeks, when you just can't get it together. The joys of life - xx

Krystle said...

I love it! Not that Brett had chest pains. But the fact that sometimes shit happens, we can over react, think the worst etc... Being a mother on its own can be frickn' exhausting. When it can get a bit much & crap goes on - its comforting to know your not alone. We have all have bad days or weeks, when you just can't get it together. The joys of life - xx

teresa said...

i learned that the ER takes heart concerns VERY seriously. =S the wheelchair was immediately behind me and off i went for many tests. praying for Brett & all of you.

Rosa said...

So glad Brett is OK. And Ya, good move on the hot dog and McD's, I wouldn't have done it any different!

Charlotte in ID said...

It has been a week and that is just knowing the details you share. Those kind of weeks make the other weeks just that much sweeter. Praying all continues to be looking up.

Hillary said...

I'm a hot mess reading this, knowing exactly how you feel about loved ones and health. My Mom had a heart attack in December at the ripe age of 57. She is fine but I completely understand the fear, pain, what-if's, and then the are you sure's? and finally the relief. So thankful Brett is okay and he is staying in hospital for the night. Always better to be 100% sure then to play any games. This hot mess is now heading off to bed. Will be thinking of you and the family. Thank you for this real, honest, and raw and heartfelt post tonight.

Dara said...

I'm bilingual. I speak embarrassing emotional and bat shit crazy with worry fluently. At times we all do, right? I'll say a little prayer for Brett's continued good health. Sending some positive vibes your way.

Lisa said...

So, so glad that Brett is fine. My dad had a heart attack (he is okay) last year and let me tell you, I was not calm or put together or anything along those lines. There is nothing more scary or gut wrenching than wondering if a loved one is going to be okay. I hope writing about it tonight helped you :)

Best wishes,
-Lisa

Heidi said...

Hey Kelle, lots of good energy being sent your way. Wishing all of you good health and a smoother ride from here on in. Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences with us. We all have those days at times and I know how scary that can be. Glad you have such a great support network. Hang in there.

Ostriches Look Funny said...

You're right, it does feel goo. And I truly believe that going big or going home is the key to freedom.

Lisa said...

I love that you sent a cut up hot dog and had McD's for dinner! (Which is really not that bad) When my 2nd (and 3rd) were little and I was a walking zombie I actually let my kids eat goldfish for dinner. You're awesome!

Kat said...

Oh boy you really know how to just sum up how I am feeling today.
You express it so beautifully.
I am glad to hear that Brett is okay and that Lainey and you are surviving that first week of Kindergarten and that you too have frazzled weeks where you resort to McDondalds and a torn up hot dog.
Honey, some days we just do what we gotta do to get through.
I have four kids and so I totally relate!
I too am an emotional wreck this week and last week too and I don't even have pregnancy as an excuse.
It's just who I am and I have to be okay with that.
You are doing just fine and I think being strong and real enough to share all of what you did makes you an amazing person.
Keep the realness coming, I love it!

Erica Ladd said...

I love the honesty of this, the sleeping unicorns, and the surrendering to the freedom of hot mess.

kate said...

Glad things are gonna be okay ... So happy that you have your "net" to use at times like these! Don't worry about what the kids ate today! They were loved and cared for ... Food is secondary!! Hugs to you all!!

House 54 said...

Kelle,

I saw your Instagram post today about the "long, long day" and I wondered (and hoped) everything was ok, especially because you were more quiet that normal. I hoped it was just a new business venture, baby sickness, and a few Kindergarten woes mixed in. I'm sorry to hear about Brett. I know how scary that is because I've lived through it myself, but with a different outcome.

You will bloom and grow from this. You ALL will, just like you did when you were faced with all those challenges before this. And yes, it will make you stronger, just as other unexpected surprises have before. And look at how lovely those unexpected surprises turned out. :) She's sure beautiful...thriving...and I'm sure sleeping very close to her Mama tonight. And see? All is well. This time I'm sure will be no different.

And you're right -- it's okay to feel not so yourself and process these things. I think, despite not feeling like a "pulled-together" or "mature" person -- that's what mature, pull-together people do. They process. Try to grow. Try to understand. Try to learn. Try to appreciate + move forward.

Mature, pulled-together people are allowed to fall apart too. At least that's what I tell myself. HA! ;)

You roll with the punches better than anyone I know, Kelle, and hey, I only know you through the Internet. I can only imagine how well you rock and roll with those punches in person. You also have a great support system, including all of us readers. We're all here and that won't change.

Blog away...pictures or not. We're listening.

I feel honored that you and Brett decided to share this with us. I feel honored to be trusted as a reader with this very personal, private information.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and I will send good, positive, "pulled-together" energy your way. :)

The unicorns will return and all will be well. Fly away, Kelle, and keep on ripping those hot dogs. Who needs perfectly cut up hot dogs anyway. ;)

XO,
Katie from Southern California

Melissa said...

Oh what a scary day! And a crazy week... Sheesh. Can't a girl catch a break?!?!

I CANNOT wait to hear about your coffee with Glennon. I have become addicted to her, and I fear, I will so with you as well. And that is another thing I CANNOT wait for! Thank you for your brutifulness. Life is hard, but love wins.

Much love from Indianapolis. XOXO

~Melissa

DeAnn said...

Praying for Brett and you. Times like this remind us of how quickly our lives can change and make us so thankful and aware of what we have. I'm so glad Brett s ok. This was definitely a "do what ya got to do" kind of day. I hope you are able to rest well tonight, and tomorrow your unicorns will shine!

Jilly said...

I'm glad you were able to write what you needed to and get that off your chest. My husband's father recently went to the hospital with the same issue and there were a lot of "what ifs" that were hard to handle. Thankfully he's fine and I am very thankful that Brett is fine as well.

Jill

P.S. I just finished reading your book and I enjoyed every page! However, I did come to the realization that I shouldn't read it during the day because I might end up with mascara all over my face :P

Kmarie said...

Glad your hubby's health is ok. Most of my days are like what yours was ( meals late, unorganized...) It has taught me a lot about standards and what is actually important and what "better" means. Better is what you are in love. Better is how we accept our flaws and celebrate our victories. You take that "better" and rock it out always. I think you will always be great even in the epic moments that feel "off." I liked this post:)
Can't wait to hear about the new friend ...Here is hoping that it's Glennon but if its is not I still love to hear about new friends and will continue look for that meet up of two amazing Florida mom blogs

bkeila said...

Glad Brett's okay I'll make sure to keep him in prayers that it's nothing serious; Also that we all have those not so awesome days right? It's good to see you can still see the bright side of things . It shows me that I still have so much to learn and to keep growing. You inspire me so much.

Roksalanna said...

Kelle,
I hope that Brett is all right. Sending you all very best wishes. Thinking of you and your beautiful family. Take care.
xo

Barb said...

Glad Brett is ok! Keeping you guys in my thoughts. Get some rest!

feed that baby said...

I'm sorry for your husbands health scare! You must be exhausted, but the first part of tonight's post about the hot dog is hilarious. When I was pregnant with my third and soo...sick I could barely feed my kids. The smell of food was so repulsive I resorted to those sleezy microwave dinners for kids! It was all I could manage, anyhow thanks for the funny yet serious post I hope your husband doesnt have anymore spells.

Gilly said...

I read regularly, your blog is my 5 minutes to myself pick me up/refresher/help me centre myself again before we once again keep the cycle of things moving onward and upward. But I have never posted before. Just wanted to send Hugs from springtime in Sydney, Australia. Sleep well, enjoy the new day tomorrow. :-)

Katie Morad said...

Hang in there Sister!! Many prayers and hugs coming your family's way!

Lovely Love said...

Ever since my grandma passed away in June, things have been very very frazzled. Not only did she pass away but it happened in the middle of us moving to a new home. This whole year has been hard. My parents separated this year too. It's taken me two months to try and get things together again. Vitamins stopped being taken. Dinners stopped being cooked. But I told myself, just ride it out, don't fret. Things will work out and when it's time to start moving again Amanda you will. Little by little it's happening. Vitamins started getting taken again just this week. And cooking has been on and off. This week was no good in the cooking dept. though, we have eaten out for dinner since Monday. It's easy to try and beat yourself up. I do it all the time. But I know in my heart that I am a good mother and that I try my best ALWAYS, but my best isn't always going to be the same. Our best changes from day to day as does everything else. As long as we do our best, no matter what that is on any given day, there is nothing to feel guilty about. Hugs to you and your family. Sorry you had such a tough week, I get it. Lots of love! Amanda

Claire @ Scissors Paper Rock said...

Scary stuff. Glad Brett is doing ok. And you are too.
Cheers to the hot dog lunch. My little lady had to brave Kindy last week with a stale corn biscuit covered in jam....coz it was the closest thing I had to a sandwich. Some days we are frazzled and down, and that's ok.
Hang in there Kelle. Life comes in waves...just like hard time & good times.
x
http://blog.scissorspaperrockdesigns.com.au/

Plus One Wee Bean's Mumma said...

So happy to hear Brett is ok, babies are ok, and YOU are ok.
Also very happy to hear you discuss how life isn't all perfect and fluffy and AOK all the time.
Real life has all these crazy emotions and it is really beautiful to have you bring up these not so perfect moments.
Thank you.
Wishing your family, and wonderful friends who take care of each other, good health!

ahoy.jenni said...

What a freak out for all of you.
Tell Brett to take care, he is a cool dude!

Clara Hinton said...

Kelle,
You worry me, girl. Take special care of YOU in the mix of taking care of everyone else. Sometimes it's good to let the world around you keep going and YOU step back and stop for a while -- at least long enough to fill up when your engine is running on low.

I'm so glad Brett is fine....my heart skipped a beat just reading about this.

Take care of yourself, Kelle. Hugs and love are being sent your way. Tomorrow's going to be a GREAT day!

Love,
Clara

Meagan Kenney said...

Geez, poor Brett, poor YOU! I am sure your are just emotionally drained from this week. Any way you can escape to Isle of Capri this weekend? I hope you get some R&R soon. And I think I may make a torn up hot dog for my little Madeline's lunch tomorrow. She'd be ecstatic it was something different than a turkey sandwich. Hang in there Kelle, the week's almost through!

caygraymomma said...

Aw sunshine, the mature people fall to pieces and speak emotional. I promise. Don't let anyone tell you any different.
Kisses Lisa

Brittany said...

Thank you for this. I needed it. We spent last night in the hospital with our 3 day old baby boy...jaundice. Something you know a little bit about:) But frazzled? A hot mess? You betchya. On top of not yet producing enough milk for my 9 pounder, now this? I was devastated. And convinced myself I was failing already. He's home now...our little glow worm is chillin on our newly installed rubilin bed. Emotions are running wild, but bring on the adrenaline and lets fly.

m.d.l. said...

"Those" days are okay too. Best of luck to Brett and don't worry about the happy meals because I'm sure your girls were kind of happy. You might feel guilty, but for them it probably was a treat! Love from Belgium!

Rocks said...

Good to hear Brett is doing fine now. I know exactly how it feels, my father is undergoing some medical treatments too and it's worrying me too much.

But God is good..life is good :) I know he'll be fine soon too :)

ECW74 said...

So glad to hear it is more than likely nothing serious! Take care of yourself.

Thing said...

Glad Brett is all fine, and that he is taken good care of.

Take care!

Liane said...

Wow! That must've been so scary for both you and Brett. I hope that he's ok and that you get to enjoy some time together when he comes home today.

I would've loved it if my Mum had sent me to school with a Hot Dog for lunch! xx

Jen@IntendtoLive said...

Oh, how scary. So glad to hear that he is going to be okay. Sounds like the night turned itself around for you. Thank you, too, for sharing this (with or without d's) :) Everyone has "days" and it's beautiful to see how you process it and work through it. I admire you so much, and look forward to learning more from you for some time. I thought the other day, what happens if Kelle decides to stop blogging some day??? Guess I'll just have to read your book weekly then. :)

mumofsix said...

Oh kelle, how scary for you both. So glad to hear Brett is ok. Hoping he'll be home today. What a week! Wishing you a peaceful end to your week and weekend xxxx

melissa said...

Who cares if you are not pulled together, mature, etc...your hubby almost had a heart attack! Seriously! I think only when describing it afterward, especially when you can thankfully breathe again, that you might feel, well, silly. Not sure I could've held it together. But, that's why I come here to your blog...for all your inspiration. Love ya tons and hugs to you all! Go Lainey, go Lainey, go Brett, go Brett, go Kelle, go Kelle, go Nella, go Nella, hey bean, hey bean - it's late and now who's silly!
Sweet dreams from Tejas,
Melissa

Carey King said...

Holy Moly I needed to read this today.. Had an 'I can do anything' week last week and feel like I've been riden over by a truck this week. Nothing went wrong, I'm just tired and over sensitive with everyone- atleast now I feel like maybe I can take advantage of maybe givng myself a break:) Thanks Kelle:)

yourfriendrobin said...

Two things I loved:
the ripped hotdog and your second language of emotional talking. I speak that language too, it's really high pitched.

As an elementary school teacher, I can say that I bet the teacher didn't even blink at the torn hotdog and apple. My kids bring all kinds of weird foods.

Jess B said...

I don't think it's "embarrassing emotional" at all. You're a human being who loves her man and her kids. (Oops, nearly typo'd that to 'herman and her kids.' Who's Herman?) I think that's beautiful, warts and all. (Though I'm sure you don't have any warts. You know what I mean.)

Linda MG in Soquel, CA said...

Glad that all is well. HOw scary! Oh, I wanted to comment on "The first Day' and didnt. Thinking of Kainey and school. So hard to know they cry, at school. My little grandson Ryder is four and starts Preschool in a couple of weeks, just a couple mornings a week. But i already feel he is growing up too fast. ANd I fear that school will be too hard on him. He is such a gentle llittle soul and so attached to his mommy. Take care and Love from your Blog Mama~

charliefarlie said...

Oh my Kelle! I am completely hooked on your blog! I am new to blogging myself (and new to being a Mum) and I just hope I can find such an easy yet moving voice to write with! Thank you for putting all this out there :D it's wonderful xxx

Claire said...

So glad Brett's okay. And now I'm craving hot dogs.

j dub said...

My father passed away at the age of 47 from a heart attack. He died while getting ready for work. All of the signs of a heart attack were there the day before. We begged for him to go to the hospital and get checked out. He swore he was fine. He was gone 12 hours later. As a 16 year old kid, I was cheated and hitting all of life's milestones without him has been very hard (I have a rock star mom so that helps!). When I hear stories like this, I am so thankful when medical attention is sought. I know that Brett is in the best place right now and will receive any care that is necessary. It would have saved my dad too.

Carin Cullen said...

Thank you so much Kelle for keeping it real, sticky d and all. So relieved Brett seems okay. And you're right, there's nothing like health issues to bring everything into perspective. I'm glad you see this as a learning opportunity, a chance to grow and make life even more beautiful. Hugs to you and strength on a tough week. xoxo

mom7 said...

Kelle: Hang in there. Sending prayers for peace and so glad your husband is okay.

GraceesMommy said...

My husband was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer on July 26th...my Bday. I don't even think there are words in the english vocabulary that can encompass what you feel when the love of your life is in danger. I totally went into a panic..fear has a way of crippling you mentally and physically. By the time he was in surgery I had my boxing gloves on and was ready to fight..they took the tumor and now he will start chemo on Sept 6th. The funny thing about this whole experience is how it shook us and we are finding the silver linings in this black cloud...more time with our family, he is eating better...he is no longer turning his nose up to my lovely juicing cocktail but drinking it without an argument, and we were reminded that life is not endless so live the life that you have left to the fullest!!♥

Annette said...

My biggest fear is that something happens to one of my kids or my husband. When it comes to things like that, I am definitely not mature or put together, but I think that is completely okay because they are your world and anything less is just not acceptable. Glad to hear that Brett is doing better. Sending prayers your way.

GraceesMommy said...

oops...forgot to say I am so glad Brett is doing well! ♥

Southern Gal said...

Those darn "d"s.

We spent a night at the ER because of atrial fibrillation on Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning, too. Now it's on to the cardiologist. I'm feeling the same emotions right about now. Scary stuff, yet we're functioning by the grace of God. Praying right now that everything with Brett will be fine.

Debbie said...

Oh, Kelle...sometimes Motherhood is Happy Meals for dinner and torn up hot dogs for lunch...it just is. I want my family to eat healthy too, but you have to do what it takes to get through tough spots. Give yourself a break and throw some curlers in your hair for good measure with your pajamas and toilet paper on your shoe! :)

I am so so so glad to hear that Brett is okay. I have tears in my eyes because I just take chest pain much more seriously since my father died of a heart attack 2 years ago. It isn't something you mess with and I'm relieved that Brett is aware enough to admit when he needs to see a doctor. That, in itself, is comforting.

I hope the remainder of your week runs a bit smoother...though, aren't weeks like these the ones we grow the most from? I like to think so.

Keeping you, Brett and the kids in my prayers.

Debbie (from MI) :)

Lisa said...

So glad Brett is okay. Lainey will be okay too if she occasionally has a torn up hot dog for lunch. One of things we learn as mommas along the way, that not everything has to be picture perfect for others looking in. We make our own perfect the best way we can and given the circumstances that are dealt.
Enjoy the long weekend ahead. Tear up some hot dogs for Labor Day dinner for the fun of it!

Quiltin' Jenny said...

Oh, Kelle! So glad Brett is okay!

This, too, is motherhood. You have those hot dog/McDonald's/sending your kid in a slightly not clean Cross Country t-shirt because you forgot to wash it (oops! Maybe that last one's just me) so you can appreciate the days when you leave the house to do volunteer work with dinner in the crock pot and fresh sheets on everyone's bed. They keep you humble and grateful and not too judge-y when you see someone else going through the drive through on two wheels headed for soccer practice.

I love your posts because of the honesty and because they make me laugh about things that might otherwise make me feel down or guilty.

Take care and rest.

Christine said...

Jonathon is starting young 5's on Tuesday. Needless to say......a whole lot of emotions going on over here from both of us. Rest well! Love reading.

Meghan said...

I love this post - I love all your post but this makes you more real to me. I am glad the unicorns were in the barn for the night - sometimes they need a rest. I hope your week turns a corner and you have a great weekend!

Heather said...

Thank you so much for tonight's post. I have very much been in a similar boat lately - my 49-year-old father-in-law dropped dead on our family vacation 2 months ago and not only dealing with the grief and loss of such a massive and unexpected death but the extensive medical follow up of my husband and two boys. We have been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 months with genetic testing, EKGs, echocardiograms - and I am trying to get my 4 year out the door to preschool with a smile on my face and pretend to be holding it together but sometimes you just have to fall apart. Nothing is scarier than the uncertainty that everything might not be okay with the people we love the most. I hope Brett comes home safe and sound today. Take care and thank you for writing this, it makes me feel a little less ridiculous for all the highly emotional phone calls I have made lately.

maryanne said...

Once, after a particularly trying day, I reached into the fridge to put a Lunchable in my daughter's lunche box. That would have been bad enough. Anyway, turns out I didn't grab the Lunchable; what I sent her to school with was an entire package of 6 little yogurts (no spoons). Because she is a"glass is half full" kind of kid, she got spoons from the lunch lady and passed them out to her friends. She came out of school laughing and saying "Hey mom, thanks for the yogurts." I think the lunch lady thinks I drink.

Amy said...

So real. So raw. Thank you.
side note - if physically tender chest pain into back, all tests negative, and he is still hurting, send me an email. :)

Reenie said...

OMG... how scary for Brett and you. I am so happy and thankful that Brett is okay. And I think that you reacted like anyone would!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

And, I bet the girls loved McDonalds ;)

xo

Laura said...

Here's a big hug from Canada! I'm in love with your little girls since reading Bloom :)
Just this summer my 6yo dd spent 4 days in hospital after a bump on the head leading to vomiting leading to dehydration, my 13 month baby boy ended up with a fever of 105.4 after a vaccination and we took him to the ER twice. Then, I sat down on a chair that was wobbly and landed on my spine with a bump to the head and spent the night in ER myself since I was having dizziness and chest pains! Oh, and in between, our basement flooded several times. No wonder the weeds in my garden are waist high!!
Hang in there - life is good!

LyndsayW said...

I'm so glad everything is OK! And it makes me happy that one day you can look back and laugh about all of this.

Who cares about being mature? Just be you, because you are a wonderful caring person, and we need more you in this world.

Special K said...

Love all your posts.... THIS post I can soooo relate to this week- baby who hates sleep, 2 school aged kids one of who has to learn STATE CAPITALS on very little notice, papers coming out of my ears, trying to land an architecture job -part time of course, worrying about everything. YUP, you go the chaos of my week down. SO glad hte chest pains were nothing though, so so scary.

CB_Wilson said...

With all you have going on, I'm not sure that you'll even see my comment out of all that you have. I'm also sure that you guys are getting all kinds of advice regarding Brett. I'll just say that my mom had chest pains that put her in the hospital a few times over the course of a couple of years. They never found anything wrong with her heart. But, they finally discovered that she was having gall bladder attacks the whole. time. Not saying that's what this is, just saying it's worth getting his gall bladder checked. It will help avoid future scares like that! Good luck and prayers!

Also, thanks for posting about your parenting for the day. I felt like a failure as a mom yesterday because I was exhausted for no reason and didn't feel very good. It makes me feel good to know I'm not the only one. And just maybe, I'm not so bad...

Heather said...

I am so very, very glad Brett is recovering! I've been there with my own husband, and I made the snot running phone calls for help to friends who couldn't understand anything except, "Get my kids and get here." They got my kids and got there. It's what we almost grown-ups do.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a sticky space bar that made for some killer stream of consciousness posts even when I didn't intend them.

Hang in there!

K. said...

We had that same scare last year - when my twins were barely 2. Hubs could not understand why I was so freaked out. And it all ended up okay, but just know, I give my kids happy meals more than I should. My son eats hot dogs probably three times a week, mostly becasue its a fight I know I will lose in getting him to eat SOMETHING. I love you, I love your posts...keep smiling.

Sperber said...

Glad Brett is okay!

Leslie said...

Even mature and pulled-together people have freak-outs occasionally. I'd even go so far to say that a touch of hysteria is allowable in such a circumstance, in small, stylish doses. :)

I'm glad Brett is okay, Kelle.

Mom24 said...

Thank you for sharing this. Praying for all of you. I hope by now things are officially just fine and you're impatiently waiting at the hospital for them to get their act together and discharge him already.

lynxymama said...

i am glad everything is ok! we've all been there with the parenting, when you have the 3 things will get even more hilarious at times.

sarah k said...

Wow. What a scary day for a wife and mom! I'm glad all is well now.

My husband has frequently been known to tear hot dogs for the kids. I think they're just fine anyway. :)

Susi K aka BocaFrau said...

We had I-Hop for dinner and my Little One managed to bust open her chin while we were there. Yeah, one of those days. Glad to hear that Brett is okay... Hang in there and keep smiling!!!

HicksFamily said...

So glad that Brett is OK and that you guys are OK. :)

Amy Cappelli said...

Wow! What a week for you! Keeping you all in my thoughts, wishing for a speedy discharge from the hospital for Brett.
By the way, we had Happy Meals too last night for dinner. And, while I often feel conflicted about it- I knew in my heart that some days just require a Happy Meal;-)

Jenna | The Paleo Project said...

I'm so happy that Brett is okay. The line that hit me most in this post was "My family. My love." p.s. I love hot dogs and I would have been pumped to have one packed for me at any age.

Wally said...

Hugs Kelle! I so get the emotional thing because I'm the same way. My sister calls me out on that, but at the same time, she has told me that at least I "feel" things and I'm a very passionate/ compassionate person. Regarding school lunches with hot dogs, fast food dinners, showing up in your pajamas to drop off the kids to school, I've done all of those things.. Sometimes you need those kind of days ( rest days), so you can bounce back full force the next day or two. Hope your hubby is feeling o.k. too.

Beans said...

Prayers for Brett and hope he feels better and gets a clean bill of health!
I was so scared reading your post about what could have happened????
Thinking of you.

Miss Jewells said...

I'm so praying for you and your family. I know exactly how those moments feel. The same thing happened to my husband in May - my 20-something, perfectly fit, seemingly healthy husband. It turned out to be an infection of his heart, and thank God he's recovered almost fully. But the truth is, whether it turns out to be something big or nothing at all, it's scary all the same. We need them, we need our family to be steady and strong, and these moments shake that. But if there's anything I've learned, it's that you do get through it. Sounds like you've discovered that - you make lunches, stop crying, and little by little you all recover.

Best wishes to you guys - praying for Brett's health and for strength for all of you!

Sandi Delgado said...

Thank you for sharing even the imperfect! Now for couch cuddles with my littles!

Cate said...

Thank you for writing about this, because it's good to show the messy too, that everything isn't always magical fairy dust and unicorns. And I've been there, so I know how hard it was. My ex-husband had a heart attack the day we got divorced (that night). Very scary, and so many emotions, and I didn't know which ones to pay heed to. But I did right by him, and my kids, and now three years later, he's still dealing with stuff, but one day at a time.

Alainarae said...

It's so scary when something might be wrong with your hubby. I had a similar situation happen when I had a toddler and was expecting #2- my husband was having mysterious pains and weird stuff happening- turned out to be appendicitis! Sounds simple, but he was in the hospital for over 2 weeks total due to infection, and it was so scary! I was never so exhausted as then...Ok, maybe I am now- my husband is deployed right now to Afghanistan and I now have 3 small boys! So I feel like those moments, are training us for the bigger ones, so we can handle them, McDonalds and all, and not feel any guilt about it- because we have to do what we have to do to get through "those days"....If you want to read the funny story of my husband's appendix saga- I wrote about it here: http://www.ohjoy4boys.com/2008/11/soooo-tired.html

I know it's not the same thing as being worried about a heart attack- but anytime you don't know what it is that is hurting them, is just so scary. Hang in there!!!

Dianagoddess said...

Don't be so hard on yourself and don't let anyone question your actions. You are a great mother and should be proud of yourself, because everyone else is in awe of you.

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so sorry Kelle.

Janice said...

I just love you, Kelle. Talk about embarrassing emotional moments, I don't even know you and I say that!! ;) Truly, you give me so much to reflect on and think about in my life. Not to mention, you made me laugh with the pj's and toilet paper imagery and thoughts of let's do this hot mess up RIGHT! You are an amazing momma and I'm proud to share this parallel journey of motherhood with you as one of my "guides". Michele

andfostermakesfive said...

Do you know how many readers come to your page to hear what you have to say on a daily basis? I love my mom dearly, but I don't even talk to her on a daily basis. That's pretty crazy. And whether you're happy or sad or somewhere in between, somehow it seems like whatever you have to say is exactly what I was meant to hear. I am so sorry that life isn't going as swimmingly as usual right now, but thanks for being brave enough to share it anyway. Remember, sometimes your readers need to hear that your life is not ALWAYS unicorns ;) SO thankful that your hubby will be okay, but we will keep him in our thoughts and prayers anyway. Thanks for doing what you do, and making the world a yellow-er, unicornier place ;)

{Jessica} said...

I'm so glad you wrote. Because, although I love reading about all of the creative things that you do to bring beauty into your children's lives and perusing your amazing pictures, hearing about your hard days makes the good ones that much more beautiful. I'm so glad to hear that Brett is okay. And, I'm kinda sorta loving that you ripped up a hot dog for Lainey's lunch. That's real. And I love you for that!

smyke said...

Kelle, you always touch us out here and keeping it real is why so many of us relate!!!
I'm feeling your pain all the way up in northern Alberta Canada...it is VERY scary when you feel your 'family in jeopardy'...I had a similar situation with my 'one great love' about 7 years ago and he was 30 at the time...chest pain, ER, tests etc. Nothing thankfully turned up and we attributed it to stress...work, building a house etc but none the less, one of those moments you NEVER forget as all the "what ifs" go through our minds! So happy that you all are having a happpy ending and...don't sweat the small stuff (hot dogs and happy meals) ;-)

acb said...

You're going to be okay..... just breathe. I would of felt the same way, absolutely. It's so easy to let our worlds get shaken - - and, they'll SHAKE whether we're ready or not. Your family matters are private, I'd just like to add that I hope all will be well with your husband and wish you and your family all the best. And, about the hot dog lunch and Micky D's....... oh, well. You know, I woke this morn. and said to myself, "What the hell am I going to make for dinner tonite? How come I haven't made my girl those healthy muffins I promised I would? How come someone else doesn't notice those dishes???"

Then, I remind myself ...... ahhh, there's plenty of good food in the fridge to make a good salad tonite with fish ..... I can make those healthy muffins this wknd. Calm down, self!

My point, we all put so much pressure on ourselves...... I am so like this, as well. Just know, you are a great Mom, it was a hard day ( week ) and you are doing your best. Hope you have a great day...... : )

acb said...

You're going to be okay..... just breathe. I would of felt the same way, absolutely. It's so easy to let our worlds get shaken - - and, they'll SHAKE whether we're ready or not. Your family matters are private, I'd just like to add that I hope all will be well with your husband and wish you and your family all the best. And, about the hot dog lunch and Micky D's....... oh, well. You know, I woke this morn. and said to myself, "What the hell am I going to make for dinner tonite? How come I haven't made my girl those healthy muffins I promised I would? How come someone else doesn't notice those dishes???"

Then, I remind myself ...... ahhh, there's plenty of good food in the fridge to make a good salad tonite with fish ..... I can make those healthy muffins this wknd. Calm down, self!

My point, we all put so much pressure on ourselves...... I am so like this, as well. Just know, you are a great Mom, it was a hard day ( week ) and you are doing your best. Hope you have a great day..and, things felt that much better this morning.... : )

Paige said...

I really love you. And, I don't even know you, well except that I am a huge follower, Bloom reader and fan. Reading this post was so what I needed after a super stressful week. You really keep it real and I love that. You make me (us) all feel like it is ok to do the things we'd rather not sometimes, like send a hot dog for lunch or feed our kids Mickey D's!

Oh, and P.S. The "V" is not working on my laptop and it is driving me nuts!!!!

Sally Engelhard said...

I'm so glad Brett is ok. How scary. I don't want this to be preachy, but educational. Most heart disease is caused by what we eat and put into our bodies. Brett's health scare should send you RUNNING from McD's and hotdogs... There are tons of easy, quick, and healthy foods to feed yourself and your family that are good alternatives to Happy Meals and hotdogs. That kind of food is poison.

Anyway, I hope your week takes a turn for the better and I'm hoping you guys are sneaking off to Capri this weekend :). Much love.

Kris said...

I hope you know that Glennon Melton of Momastery just moved to Naples? Maybe she's your new friend...

She's the one that got me lurking on your blog lately. Thanks to you both for giving perspective and speaking honestly about life.

Vorpaks said...

*hugs*

I learned a long time ago that in a fight or flight situation I am definitely a runner. However, I decided that is okay since I always run for help, and not just away. And it is ESPECIALLY okay when it comes to your family. As some more qualified people have said above, fast action is the best action when you suspect a heart attack. I think the freak out, even witht he resultant adreneline crash, was the right thing to do. Again *hugs* for you and your family.

NeeNee said...

No need to apologize for no pictures. While I do absolutely love your pictures, I love your writing even more, you're human and not afraid to show it through the good, bad and ugly, from riding your unicorns to ripped hot dogs! I'm going to have to remember that term "emotional embarrassing" as I've also reacted that way to certain situations. I like to blame it on being such a passionate person, of course it will show in every aspect of your life.
Glad to hear Brett is okay, how scary! What a emotional week you've had! Hopefully the rest of the week will bring you peace and relaxation. Good thoughts coming your way. Now get out to that barn and rustle up those unicorns ;)

Carrie said...

I am not a word smith like many of your friends and family but I wanted to say something. I am sorry for your emotional week and hope everything's going smoothly very soon.

sharon said...

I just love your posts. You are so real and can put into words things that we all feel from time to time. I have been following your blog for about a year and look froward to reading it. I have also read your book. Thanks for sharing your life!

Patty said...

He's in my prayers and I know he will be ok.

Sending you a a big hug!

Kathleen Ayres said...

Thinking of all of you and sending your unicorns - and your whole family - happy, peaceful, healthy thoughts.

Kulio said...

The fact that you posted today is so great -- I love that you always give us the real you.
You finished well! What a good feeling to end the day well.
Prayers for good reports and everybody home again, together, safe...well.

Nancy Malone Waynick, M.O.M. said...

Kelle, I can so relate to this post. I, like you, want to be positive, happy, a good Mom, and so on...but, some days are just crappy. I appreciate you sharing about Bret, you see I lost my husband a year ago. Never take health for granted. My husband wouldn't go to the doctor and now we don't have him with us. Take good care of all of you, forget the photos occasionally and hug tight. Better days are always around the corner.
Nancy

Doobie said...

F that noise! I would be a wreck. I can't imagine. I'm so glad everything turned out ok.

Michelle said...

Sending prayers and positivity. My husband spent a week in the hospital in May and it was the hardest week of my life. So draining physically and emotionally. I hope Brett gets to come home today.

Nif said...

Great news! I'm so glad everything is ok, because Brett is a great man.
Here's a R for:
Relief
Rejoice
Reflect.

Tara B said...

I'm really glad that Brett is ok and I'm glad that you wrote about it. Sometimes when I don't hear from you for several days, I get worried. I worry that things are not ok with you. (My husband would be rolling his eyes right now.) I realize I don't actually "know" you. I do this with my sister also - I just need to know everything is ok. Anyway, have a really great day!
Tara

vermonter said...

I am so glad to hear tha you ALL are doing fine. What a very scary thing to have to go through , but that is just a warning sign to keep our lives in check. I am a picture lover so I can't wait for your next post. I do want to say that I am glad that you didn't push yourself and put pictures on just because you felt the need for others.

anne taylor said...

Oh man, that is so tough. I don't think your response was immature at all. I think it is an amazing gift to be able to be sloppy and embarrassingly emotional because you're allowing yourself to feel which most people don't let themselves do.

My dad had a heart attack when I was 11 and I was home alone with him when it happened. It was a very scary ordeal, and I didn't know how to let my emotions show, even at that age. That's what therapy is for now! Haha. He was fine, but then he had another one. It's tough, and I'm glad that you're surrounded by people like Heidi and your tribe that can take care of you. Luckily, cardiology is in an amazing place in this country, medically, and my dad is fine and I'm sure your hubby will be fine.

Love you, Kelle! Will be thinking and praying for you and your family today.

Breezy said...

Oh my word, the bit about the hot dog made me laugh! And I feel the same way about McD's but sometimes, it's just a Mc Donald's-torn up hot dog-sticky D on the laptop kind of day! A Happy Meal is a worthy sacrafice on the Alter of Motherhood some days, especially when the alternative might have been a rushed hospital caff meal had Brett been truly ill. So glad to know he is well! Hang in there!!

Kelly Cach said...

Oh Kelle!!!!

PRAYING!

I can feel your frazzled-ness, and yet you still have the ability to make me laugh out LOUD.....or rather, Heidi did in this post....a torn hotdog....hahahaha! Such a good friend to just say it out loud rather than to judge you behind your back---LOL!

Much love to you, and again, PRAYING!

nikkib said...

So glad everything is ok... sending much love to you and your family.

mistene said...

oh it is so wonderful that everything is ok!!!! You definitely do not need stress in your life right now. I teach junior classes and hot dogs (torn up or cut) and totally normal!

MC said...

So glad things are alright. Showing your emotions and calling on others for support is not a sign of immaturity! We all deal with stressful situations in different ways. You have a lot going on right now and from the sounds of it, you are handling things better than most of us would. Hang in there, Kelle!

Susan S. said...

Kelle, you handled it perfectly. One day in the family practice clinic where I used to work, the front door opened and through it came parents carrying their little boy who had been accidentally hit in the head with a bat at little league practice. He had a dent in his head. He was unconscious and seizing. I called a code and scrambled everybody in that place to help this child and his parents.

When we finally got him stabilized, loaded into an ambulance to go to the hospital, one of the docs and I sat down to breathe. I was embarrassed when I told him I had been so frightened, I nearly wet myself. I was surprised when he said, "Me, too." I said, "But you were so calm! I thought maybe in medical school, they teach you not to be frightened by things like this." He said he absolutely hated emergencies because they were so scary and uncertain. What he learned in medical school was the procedure for dealing with emergencies. First, stay calm. Second, call 911. Third check airway, breathing and circulation. Next, scan for injuries, etc. He told me he was sitting down because his legs were wobbling so bad, he thought he'd fall down. You'd never have known it, though.

That was a great lesson for me. It's totally natural and okay to be frightened. The key is to get as prepared as possible with coping mechanisms--it's great that you've taught the kids to swim! Maybe take an adult and child CPR class, ask Dot to help you practice calling 911 and practicing what to do in some emergency scenarios--then when emergencies happen, you'll have some tools to cope with. Remember, it's okay--even good--to be afraid. It means you understand what's going on around you. It'll help you stay calm if you've practiced some coping strategies before the doodoo hits the cooling device next time.

Kelle, it is so scary when stuff like this happens, and the happy meals and hot dogs don't even register on the radar. My mom always says, there are times when you make a pot of macaroni and cheese and keep the kids from sticking their fingers in the light sockets and that's a good day. You're all right. Hang in there.

Love, Susan

Ami said...

I completely understand your emotions, as my hubby had his second heart attack 6 mos ago, at the age of 40! (And he's trim and athletic.) It's scary as hell, and I don't even say that word. But each scare brought the 5 of us so much closer, and I'm very grateful for that. And, yep, my kids had some rather strange and rushed meals during those times, too. Maybe I should go back and delete all of my d's in this post? ;)

Debora Ferrari said...

Hi Kelle, first of all: sorry for my English... I'm an Italian girl. My husband, 18 years older than me, had a cerebral ischemia 29 days before our wedding, 3 years ago. I know what you're going through. And I want to tell you how I feel now, in these days.

I have to rest ... and stand firm. Because I'm a waiting MOM and this child needs to stay in my belly for several weeks, but it doesn't seem really wants to be patient. Definitely easier said than done. The reason is simple: I'm a MOM. I'm a MOM that has to say no to her 19 months old son when he asks to get up to go with him to choose a colorful book to browse or a game to explore. I am a mother who can’t run after her joyful and lively boy, who cannot play hide-and-seek or pulling him while it's sitting on the tractor. I'm a MOM who’d want to roll around on the lawn and tickling her firstborn, keep him in her arms when he is tired, wash it and change it by myself whenever needed.
But I am also a MOM for the little one kicking on my bladder, who needs strength and time to finish growing before birth. And I’m just six month pregnant.
And here I am, sitting on the sofa, my legs raised resting on a pillow, the computer in womb and alternating feelings. Boredom, depression, guilt, frustration and sadness are the counterweight to a sense of responsibility, joy, enthusiasm for the progress of who is already "grown” and who still has to see the world, and I know that everything is just temporary.
Meanwhile, every day is gained, every day is a gift, 24 more hours can make a difference. Maybe eventually I'll bring this pregnancy till the end, then I’ll feel all this time spent in idle wasted. But now I have to have the strength to stand firm, for Greg, for Jack, for my husband and me. Regarding the future ... well, in my mind there are already thousands of super MOM and super wife plans, to recover all I can't give to my family now. I don't know if I'll be able, but trying does not harm!

Donna said...

Kelle, I think this is the first post I've read where you weren't pretty much 100% on top of things. It's nice to know that a person I admire and draw inspiration from, is human just like the rest of us. Not fun to go through scares and frazzled days, but they happen anyway. Hope tomorrow's better.

Noan said...

Under the circumstances I would have been dissapointed in an airbrushed post filled with pictures of false perfection. Thanks for keeping it real, girlfriend. I hope Brett's hospital stay is uneventful - boring even. Very boring.

Carrie said...

Heidi is hilarious. But on a serious note, I'm soooo glad Brett is OK. That's scary stuff! Hugs.

capree said...

So happy that Brett is ok. I love your blog and can't wait to hear about Miss Lainey in Kindergarten and your meeting with Glennon! (instagram follower) :) You two rock!

jeskmom said...

Kelle, I had a heart attack last fall at the ripe young age of 54 (yep, even we moms of 20-somethings read you!), and the pain actually insulated me from worry, if that makes sense. A few days later, when I was finally home, I was sitting in my bed, and suddenly keeled over (metaphoralically, of course) with the emotions of what might have been, of what I was so close to having lost--all the beloveds in my life--husband, children, siblings, friends. If we don't get scared by such moments, we're not feelings, I think. So we lean into those emotions and let them color our relationships in brighter hues ever after--for the bullet dodged. Glad Brett and you dodged this one!

Lowe Family in MS said...

Hope all is well with Brett!

Annastacia said...

I love that you shared this. Not because I am glad anything bad happens to you or because I'm glad that your not perfect. I know your not perfect, it's logical, no one is, but sometimes when I read your lovely blog and hear about how awesome you and your life is it kinda feels like you might be, or as close to it as it gets. And that's actually pretty inspiring for me, but to read this post is also inspiring for me. It's a good reminder that we can have bad days, and hard times and they don't have to define us. We can settle into them if we need to for a bit, but then we can shake them off when it's time and get back to the happy, and the things that make us smile, or the unicorns.
I hope your husband is ok, nothing scarier than something being wrong with the ones we love. Sloppy emotional is a ok when the hubby or the kids are involved :)

Stacey said...

Real life is just that - real. Thank you for being genuine and sharing the full spectrum. At least Lainey had a packed lunch - you rock! :) Prayers for Brett and your family.

312east5th said...

I just started reading your lovely blog and can I tell you how nice it is to see someone so real and raw and amazing and inspiring. Thank you!

gettingbusybeinggood.com said...

So glad to hear that Brett is okay--that must have been very scary for you. And don't worry about the lunch box scenario. I know it's hard to have a picture in your mind of how things should be vs. how they end up being, but you'll make up for it some other day by being your usual awesome self.

Momma Holmes said...

1. Blessings that Brett is okay. I remember like yesterday, though it's been 12 years, the day my mommy had chest pains and we've come through the other side with a wonder as to what it was as we never knew and here's hoping that is the same for you.
2. Cannot WAIT for one of you to blog about your date this week! Don't you and Glennon know the wait is just too much for us!?
3. When in doubt, 2 Eggo waffles and some heat and eat bacon/sausage make a great lunch.

Books at The Paperhouse said...

I hope what I'm about to say sounds the way it does in my head (which is filled with fist-pumping, on-the-verge-of-tears emotion): This might have been my favorite post.

Even the title alone struck a nerve with me. When I saw it come through, I knew it was one I'd need to save and read when I had time to myself. It's a good reminder to take everything in, the good, the bad, the McDonalds dinners ... they all mean something.

~ Devon

Caryl said...

Pretty sure that is what mature looks like =0) Everyone reacts differently (read: I chewed an aspirin when I had heart pain and waited for my arm to go numb ala Sanford & Sons, hubby went in the living room and watched tv. Ok. Maybe too laisse fair).

Seriously, my Brett had the same thing happen (he was 38) and was kept in the hospital for two days. Damn scary stuff.

I'm glad things are going well for your family, and that the hubster is doing fine! Woot!
Cheers,
Caryl

Englandia... said...

What a crappy scary day! So happy to see on Instagram that you have your love back!

meg said...

I will start by saying that I'm so happy Brett's home (so says Instagram!) But, my goodness, am I glad you posted when you weren't all rainbows. I needed to know that you - who I think of as ever-optimistic, rose-colored-glasses, unicorn-breeding type - can have days where a McDonald's drive thru is all you can muster. Thank you for being honest and letting us into your life. Glad to hear the unicorns were just sleeping - I'm sure they're up and at 'em again!

Micaela said...

I don't know if you'll see this, but my boyfriend had a heart attack (that turned into a 2 weeks hospital stay and an autoimmune disease life-sentence) when I was 21 years old. I'm not a mother, but I equate my experience with 'new mom' stories in that in the midst of all the frenzy, somehow and from somewhere, I knew exactly what to do. I knew how to communicate to staff what he couldn't communicate, and I knew how to care for him in ways he didn't know he needed. My point is, if you had been, or ever are, truly called to the occasion, you will shine.

Liv said...

Firstly, so glad Brett is ok. I don't comment much, but I just had to say thanks. Thanks for keeping a beautiful, funny and positive thread through this post. I had a horrible day yesterday, well horrible to me anyway. I'm sure if someone was with me they'd have laughed and maybe even said I was boring at times, but the day felt horrible. So when hubby came home, and he knew about my day, and offered me a hot cuppa and to bath the baby - my unicorns shook their manes, and I had a little cry, put on a movie and got on with the day. So today I'm very glad you posted this in time for my morning cuppa (it's 8:30am in my corner of Australia), and I'm ready to face whatever today brings with it. My unicorns are nearby :)

lindsey. said...

So sorry for the scare and RELIEVED that Brett is just fine. Love!

Audrey Ball said...

You're not alone in making the quick & easy (not-so-healthy) meal choices from time to time. Especially when our world is rocked with scary situations. I'm glad to hear that Brett is fine. Take care of yourself.

Jannice said...

So sorry to hear about Bretts scare. Glad to hear he is ok and hope his follow up goes well.

Suzi said...

hang in there Kelle
Poor Brett..he must have been scared silly..just like you had to have been.
Sending my best to your whole family!
-Suzi

karen said...

Dear Kelle,

First of all, I'm so so so so so glad to hear that Brett is doing ok, and that you and the girls made it through the long and trying day. That is the most important thing.

Secondly, and this is very important, Kelle, give yourself a break! You did Great. We do not expect you to be rainbows and butterflies all the time. We also don't expect you to have glamorous photos to post everyday. You definitely don't need to promise us happier posts next time in order to keep us hooked. This is not why we read your blog. We read your blog because yes, you have a lovely way with words, and yes, you take beautiful pictures, and yes, you have the most gorgeous picture perfect girls, but most of all, because you are HUMAN. You are real, honest, self-reflective, self-aware, funny, hopeful, optimistic, beautiful, raw, sometimes annoyingly overly happy, but you are human, navigating through this messy life.

Life is crazy. Life can be mean sometimes. And let's face it, life can even SUCK BIG TIME. Don't feel the pressure to be perfect. Nobody's perfect, and that's what makes you even more inspiring in your positive outlook in this unpredictable world, and that's what makes us love you even more.

You have touched and changed the lives of so many more people and internet strangers including myself than you even know. We love the real Kelle and we want you to know that we are here to support you too, when you are going through your ups and downs.

Thank you for sharing your life with us and inspiring us to enjoy the small things. I'm so glad that everything's ok, but we're sending you and your family lots of hugs and prayers anyway. :)

Love,
Karen

Lisa Como said...

Thank you for writing about torn up hotdogs, happy meals, and heart attack scares as well as mind-blowing birthday parties and well-made school lunches. It helps me to hear both. Oh, and how is your nausea? I hope it is finally lifting!!

Leah said...

Glad Brett is home and everything checked out okay! I feel very immature sometimes, too. I think everyone does! Hang in there and have an awesome long weekend! :)

MelindaW said...

So glad Brett is OK! Hang in there... your plate is pretty darned full at the momenet. Your blog is a regular stop for me. I admire your sass, your love, your openness. Cut yourself some slack, and enjoy the long weekend!

Renee' said...

Scary stuff those health problems. Husband just went through all the tests and he too is fine. Keeping Brett in my thoughts and prayers Kelle.

The Fisher Family said...

This post made me smile through my, "oh how I can relate..." eye sweat. The irony of life's messy moments, when we find ourselves feeling less than the rockstars we set out to be is that our best, most humble, teachable self emerges. You look back on those moments and truly see the strength and resilience we have as individuals and how it's only deepened by our connection to friends & family. That you found the beauty in the mess (ugly cry face and all) - thanks for sharing!

Hope the follow up tests give you peace of mind!

bubbaandlucy.com

vintage girl at heart said...

happy that your man and the girls/boys daddy is okay. and that the unicorn will return from the barn shortly.
i am writing this from the hospital as i was also admitted with chest pains yesterday.
hoping to blow this popscicle stand soon and get back to living life.
my kids will probably have mcdonald's tonight and i am good with it.:)
enjoy your sweet family and this fabulous three day weekend!

genderist said...

For the record-- hot dogs & happy meals are completely okay if a close family member has been in the hospital within one week of their hospitalization. There have been studies on this. Cut yourself some slack, laugh at your fantastic hormonal roller coaster, breathe & move on. XOXO

Farmgirl Paints said...

I'm an emotional person too. Most of my friends are not...I so get that. Glad he's okay. That's a stress you didn't need.

fiwa said...

How scary. I'm glad Brett is ok and I'm sending up the prayers for all of you. Hang in there sister! You made it through all that WITH pregnancy hormones! You are a rock star. And so is Brett.

Jess said...

"It feels good to be frazzled and falling apart a little bit because I feel like I'm learning a lot."

I love this. Hugs, Kelle.

Lynn Richards said...

Welcome to the first week of school...otherwise known as hell week in my book
. I think absolutely everything hits this week because we go from lazy, sunny, fabulous, life-happy-delerious-happy days to structure and things needing to be turned in on time and rules and learning new things every single day. And not learning things in a summer time mode, where we can mull things over while listening to the waves or watch our kids jump off the side of the pool 500 times. But in a NOW. Learn NOW kind of way.
My week went about the same as yours...my sweet girl full on yelled at me and almost made me cry. My eldest is gone to school, my husband had a treadmill test for chest pains, i got told i have to have a root canal, my knees xrayed for arthritis, tennis matches in 104 degree heat and i stepped in dog vomit in bare feet.
I am so laughing at it all now, because so far everything is turning out o.k. ...negative test results, cleaner carpet, and putting off a root canal for a week never hurt anyone. These weeks are what give me my laugh lines, my creases in my brow and my heart it's expansion.
plus, i know i'm not crazy after i read posts like yours. it's an o.k. kinda club. Rock on with the torn up hot dogs for lunch. at least she got a lunch!!
xo
lynn

Lauren said...

This is why I keep checking in and reading this blog; Kelle actually shares her life with us. I'm so tired of the women who blog and put their best pics of their perfect kids and then you can tell we are not getting the whole story. Like Ann Romney said, "Everybody thinks I have the storybook life. Yeah, if you don't count the MS and breast cancer, it's been a great life so far."

Lauren said...

This is why I keep checking in and reading this blog; Kelle actually shares her life with us. I'm so tired of the women who blog and put their best pics of their perfect kids and then you can tell we are not getting the whole story. Like Ann Romney said, "Everybody thinks I have the storybook life. Yeah, if you don't count the MS and breast cancer, it's been a great life so far."

Heidi said...

I love reading your posts. It helps us all take these life things a little more lightly. My 2nd daughter also has Ds and she is 8 months old. I have been reading your blog since the first week she was born and it has helped me through this transition into life with a child who has some special needs. Seeing your happy "normal" life and your beautiful girls is so fun! Thanks for sharing your beautiful perspective on life, friends and family. And thanks for sharing the difficult days too. Hope Brett is feeling much better. Take care.

MamaNina said...

Hi, Kelle.

I was just wondering if you ever thought of opening a formspring account and linking it to your blog to answer questions? I have some pretty random questions to ask sometimes that don't fit in with your blog post and am sure they would get lost with all the other posts. A local mom who has a blog (http://blessedbybrenna.blogspot.com/) uses it and it seems to work well. Have a great week end! Love your writing and picture taking.

Jeanie said...

My goodness, who could blame you for having a bad day and giving the unicorns a rest. I'm so glad to hear that Bret is okay.

Cynda said...

Prayers to your ENTIRE family. You have many out here at the other end of the keyboard lifting your names up in prayer. You are blessed.

One another note, I follow another blogger momma/authot/photographer, who by coincidence, also sent little ones off to a first day of school this week. You should read- stephanie klein.

Happiness is... said...

That's F-ing scary. I'm glad that Brett is fine.

I don't blame you for being a mess. Family. Means. Everything. Who gives a S about the hot dogs.

A family in our community this spring went through a loss where the husband passed away after suffering a major heart attack at 40. Wife delivered her 3rd son weeks later. We were all stunned. Take good care of that man. I get your fears.

On that note, I have to get my old man upstairs.

x

Deb said...

Thank you so much for being so real.

Kelly said...

I work at a hospital in the ER. It can be a very scary place. Whats normal for me (going into work everyday) is far from normal for most who are in the ER. I am glad he is okay. As and far as your reactions, I wouldnt be too hard on yourself. Everyone reacts differently in certain situations. I see people react to death, to birth and there is no "right way" to act. I think you are a beloved wife and mother and you acted as you should...with concern. xoxo

LoriAngela said...

I have been the wife in the ER (and I'm a nurse, too). Kindergarten is about "letting go", but mortal danger to your spouse is about "I'm not letting go!". Grown up and pulled together is having the lovestrings from your joint hearts pulled to almost snapping. Your responses are the true ones. You are not alone. We love you too.

hannah singer said...

so glad your darling man is ok!
enjoy this beautiful weekend! xo

Mary said...

I hope you (someday) do get to read all of these beautiful comments. I enjoy reading them almost as much as your posts. And you book. I'm waiting for the next one...but don't think about that right now. I know by the time you read this, everything will have settled down and I am grateful for that. I know you are ok because you underestimate yourself. You are incredibly strong and noble. One of the highlights of this world and you touch others so deeply. I hope you see 20 unicorns today to make up for the stress of new school, health scare, pregnancy and all of the other things you don't share (I know blogging is really just a peek into your life). I just love your blog. Love your girls. LOVE BLOOM...bloom....What a beautiful word. And you will. Bloom through this and everything else because you were, in all reality, born under a rainbow and it shines from your soul. Love you Kelle!

Hugs and kisses and warm sunshine,

Mary - avid reader, crazy-happy mama and novice unicorn-spotter from Utah. :)

nanny bee said...

I love your human side, too.

Twilson9608 said...

Prayers for Brett. I hope that he is able to come back home to you and the girls soon and prayers for you to have a peace wash over your heart.

oli said...

I don't see myself having much grace or being 100% put together during something so scary and serious as a sick family member..
so glad he is better and you can now exhale! many good feelings and prayers your way.

Julie said...

I am so thankful that Brent is ok! We've had a lion's share of those moments this summer with my health. I've gone between fear and faith and mature and blubbering a lot. I will be praying his follow up is a clean bill of health. I'm hoping your time with G was great! I don't know either of you but I sure want you to become friends as weird as that sounds.

RheLynn said...

I really needed to read this right now - and I don't even know how I got here.. I've never been here before. Your post resonated with so many things going on right now, the frazzled, and the pulled-together and mature person. Except that I have no one to call in embarrassed emotional language that would be able to say anything but 'ok.' and leave me just as up-in-the-air then under-the-wheels as I was before. I hate to be the one with the problems and unkempt emotions.. I'm supposed to be the one that fixes the problems and dries the tears and straightens things out. But if you don't bend you'll break - if you don't work on fixing the cracks you'll fall to pieces eventually.. take care of yourself, feel the immense joy in the knowledge that things are 'ok' and not a heart attack. and ride the wave (on your unicorns) feeling that you can climb the mountains as well as slide down the muddy slopes and slick the gobs out of your eyebrows later... I hope to find my way back here again soon.

MissingMolly said...

Glad for you and your family that Brett is doing well.

Despite some of the messages to the contrary from the majority culture, there really is no shame in being emotional and showing it.

Sending love.

Sarah Brown Design Yarn said...

This is what you do with the hot dogs because I have been there. You put ketchup on a tortilla and roll it up. Then you cut it on a diagonal so it looks like a "hey I am a cool mom and my kid wanted a hot dog" lunch.

Also it is great when they are old enough to just pull up to school and drop them off. Then it is okay to wear pajamas. Just dust a little makeup on and wave to your mom friends. They will have no clue that you have PJs on.

Meg Doll said...

This was the first post of yours I've ever read and I LOVE YOU! My friend mentioned your blog and now you have me! You're in my reader and I'll never miss a post! I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE! So happy your husband is feeling better <3

Platinum Rose said...

Yikes, how incredibly scary! I am so sorry you all had to go through this, but so grateful to hear that Brett is ok now! Keeping the situation in my prayers.