Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Grays and Colors

I am an eternal optimist, but I like to think, as a good persuasive argument paying recognition to an antithesis confirms even more the intended point, my optimistic philosophy is likewise strengthened when I give room for what can sometimes be a disheartening reality. I try to balance my self-reflection somewhere between laziness and annoying hyperstimulation, so I hope this comes out as I intend...somewhere in the comfortable waters of "I'm treading, I'm figuring this out, I'm doing what works for me."

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I see the good and talk about the good and my outlook fits me like a well-tailored suit, allowing me to use my strengths and yet paving the way for growth from the not-so-pretty times. Likewise, I know and love and respect others with different philosophies and have had discerning moments of clarity from their sometimes more dismal perspectives. Because sometimes life is hard and reality does suck and ignoring that fact does not give room for the progress and production that can come from those moments.

While progress comes most naturally for me from expressing gratitude and painting strokes of vibrant color where I can, when more painful moments come--and they do--I want to pay appropriate attention to what they can teach me. Sometimes when anxiety or discomfort or that throat-constricting sadness arrives, I want to heave it along like a hot potato that doesn't belong amongst the yellows and ceruleans I aim to create. But gray has a beauty all in its own. Gray is purposeful too, and while I may instinctively attempt to quickly fold it and stash it away, I am learning to first run my hands along its threads and find the beauty in cold and calm as well as warm and spirited.

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With that unnecessarily long disclaimer, I think it is only fair I pull out the gray I folded up earlier this week and let it have its moment too.

My dad tried to keep it from me, but he finally felt he needed to share a rough week he had at work last week. He spent every day visiting a 50-year-old woman who had come to the hospital from a group home, and her health slowly deteriorated until she died on Friday. She was alone and incoherent. She had Down syndrome. My dad said he spent an inordinate amount of time with her. She became a favorite and he spent many hours sitting with her, talking with her, even though she did not understand. He gave her a stuffed animal. But still, she was only 50. Alone, unresponsive, and she did not make it.

And here's the deal. Life expectancy still scares the hell out of me. I know things have changed and individuals with Down syndrome are living much longer now. I am hopeful, and today is really all that matters--and today is good--but somewhere there is a part of us that hopes every day that, no matter what, our kids will outlive us. It's a parent's greatest unwritten plea. And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend.

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I held the hot potato, I felt the burns, I cried and used it to fuel me. I am at peace now and am grateful for our very beautiful right now. I will not dwell on tomorrow, for it is unknown and filled with voids. Today is quite the contrary. Today is good. And I write not for sympathy or to ignite a discussion of optimism vs. pessimism but simply to slap a valid antithesis among "enjoying the small things." It makes the small things even better.

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Which is why I'm completely geeked about my spontaneous decision to redo my bathroom this weekend on a very tight budget. The challenge thrills me. And while I actually considered painting the walls a languid gray--because gray is good too--I have settled for a vibrant, crazy aubergine. To thine own self be true.

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Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of the time, it's amazing.

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Like these wicked cute reversible bibs? Brooklyn Bib Shop is giving away a quilted bib/burp cloth set to a random commenter on today's post. But wait...

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With the yin and yang of discomfort and joy, I want to know more. While I've made peace with my gray this week and am finding joy in a can of Inkberry #73RB, tell me briefly...what's your "gray" this week, be it large or small...and what little happy is bringing you color?

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1,046 comments:

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wonderchris said...

I'm digging fall oranges!!! YUM!!! The color, the juicy juice of the plump fruit - pure joy!

The Macons said...

That pic of nella in the floor where you can see her teeth is so cute! I'm liking deep deep reds these days

RM @ LMMP said...

Those bibs are adorable and I can't wait to see the bathroom make over.

I am doing a color makeover in our family room and am super nervous and on a tight budget as well. :)

LEF said...

My gray is certainly my mom passing away but, as always, my kids bring color.... big, beautiful vibrant rainbows of color.

abigail said...

I was a nanny to a baby boy with Down Syndrome this summer, and the thoughts of life expectancy made me sad too...I know it's very different from being a parent, but I can relate on some level. All I know is that we are here, it is now, and we have to enjoy it while we can.

Tracey- TropicalHappiness.com said...

My gray this week? Well... I'm lucky to say I don't have any gray this week. I often do, but this week has been pretty great with a girls' night happy hour on a Tuesday, and a promotion today! A day off tomorrow to volunteer! And a birthday next week. It has been a good, colorful few days for me.

I agree with you-- you have to focus on the tough times to really understand them and learn from them. But they shouldn't consume you. Because that is when you start to reflect the "gray" in your everyday life.

I can't begin to understand the fears you have with down syndrome and Nella, but it sounds like you are living for today which is so very important.

Your Wedding Hostesses said...

My throat constricted at your words because I have 4 boys to worry about and every day I make them promise to outlive me. Is that too much to ask?

My grey this week comes from being a working mom and hardly getting to spend any time with them....but my COLOR is coming from the at-home business I just launched and the hope that very soon I'll be able to meet my sons at the bus stop and hear all about their day!

p.s. My lovely officemate is newly pregnant and would love those bibs!

Joel and Martha said...

My gray....well I'm no cook and I had a meeting with all these stay at home moms....my bacon and cheese muffins may sound yummy..but they were dry and blah. UP SIDE: my hubby loved them and whipped up a gravy for them last night and ate and ate and ate! :) Gray is there to make the colors look even better.

Harky's Soulmate said...

My grey this week---I am on a business trip with my hubby and my daughter. She and I are sitting in a hotel room and all I can think about is the mounds of boxes at home that need to be unpacked. She is 8.5 months and I will miss this time when she was little and carefree. So, I guess instead of being upset that we are here, I should enjoy this time with her. I will miss this!

Thanks Kelle for reminding me that even when things look grey, there is something colorfull lurking near by!

Catherine (WA in PA) said...

There will always be moments like these, and that fear will never leave you. But, she'll never be alone and you won't either. The whole world holds your heart on our sleeves.

Gina said...

My "gray" has been this little cold I have that really shouldn't be a big deal - but being pregnant and not being able to medicate it is really taking a toll on me! But I know, it could be worse.

My happy is feeling movement here in week 15 - I forgot what "flutters" felt like. Makes me smile. :-)

Rachel said...

Love the bibs!!! Very cute!

Gray? The waiting I am doing to find out if I got into the nursing program I applied to. I applied in July and they are suppose to let us know early November.

Colors? My dogs and looking forward to celebrating my 1 year anniversary with my husband

Lynsie said...

My grey is AGAIN being out of money before the month even starts, despite my apparently unsuccessful attempts at budgeting. My family is adding the colors to my life, though. I called my mother to gripe about money and she made me feel hopeful and loved and gave me the reds, golds, and royal blues I needed to get through today!

clarita said...

my gray this week is being far, far, faraway from my wonderful niece...BUT the colours of my life this week is being able to teach a room full of lil' people here in HI...AND i'll soon be reunited with my niece at the end of this week so the colours of my life are just getting brighter and brighter :)

Alex and Kristi said...

My gray would have to be that my husband is still trying to find a job. It is so hard only having one income but then I have to remember that he is at home taking care of our precious baby and that is the most important job he could have.

Kate said...

those bibs are precious! my future sisters-in-law are both pregnant right now and i would love to share one with them :)
gray is beautiful.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

My gray this week was getting news that my heart is mildly enlarged and that I have some valve leakage. I couldn't help but wonder if it would get worse and then my mind drifted to me being too sick to care for my girls. I hate it when my mind wanders to things that will probably never happen but then again...you never know. Anyway, after I had those thoughts I got out my camera much like you and took pictures of them. I take pictures of my girls almost everyday and really, it's my only saving grace. That and spending time with family. Trick or treating...costume parties. That was my color this week in the midst of the gray phone call I got from my doctor.

Mommy B said...

Beautiful post. The fear of losing one of my girls keeps me up at night at least a few times a year - I think it's unhealthy to keep that fear in all the time.

My gray these days is that I've gone back to work part-time and I miss my girls somethin' terrible when I'm there. The colorful lining there is that I appreciate my days with them that much more when I am home.

Good luck with the bathroom!

Sarah said...

Wow you really got me with this one...not sure why, but before I could really grasp it a few tears fell. Maybe because I'm holding my beautiful little girl in my arms as I read this and can't imagine living one moment without her in my life.
Gray? No gray this week..I dyed it on Sunday. And I turned thirty yesterday so life is good. Life is great!

Amy said...

Our school levy failed yesterday and I may be out of a job next year...

jessica said...

my grey this week?

that EVERYONE I know is pregnant (even my arch nemesis) EXCEPT for me.

my color?

i don't have morning sickness. i get to sew everyday. i have a pirate themed baby shower i am throwing and it's is so much fun planning and decorating for it.

Patti said...

I think my gray runs along the same lines as yours...I have also run into some many mamas in the blogosphere who are watching their little ones with ds battle leukemia. I hate odds. So I try to ignore them. But sometimes the odds of babies with ds and leukemia scare the crud out of me.
But my COLOR this week? Lily just started hand feeding herself- and that little milestone just took me to the moon and back with joy.
P.S. Thank you for your kind comments on her blog:)
P.P.S. I love Nella's blond wisps..she gets prettier every day!

Cathy said...

My gray ... in this post on my blog.

http://everyday-gifts.blogspot.com/2010/11/senior-night-and-treasures-of-heart.html

I teared up again this morning as I saw the flowers on my counter. So not ready for the end of this era.

Chelsea said...

Nella is getting cuter every day! Such a good post. The bibs are adorable! My sister would love them. Her baby is a week past due!

Emilie said...

My gray was expecting something big that didn`t happen...and my color is my puppy Leo :)

Jennifer said...

Hmmm, interesting choice of words this post, Kelle! I read it twice - to ingest it as much as it deserves.
"My grey" (this week - and for much of my last several months) is pain... Pain in my hip and shoulder, pain in my neck - resinating from my shoulder. I look at pain as "mind over matter" - something that you have to convince yourself to breathe through - something that you feel more when you allow yourself....

"My color" usually comes from my kiddos, "my time" at the gym (which has been slacking), or conquering kick booty savings on groceries (simple things, really).

However, repainting a room in my house sounds like fun...but might cause me neck pain. Maybe I'll settle for hanging pictures on my sons wall - the ones that have been sitting on his closet floor for months now.

KellyLane said...

I have been reading your blog since Nella was born. While I enjoy your musings about how wonderful life is, it is also important to read about the hard stuff too. Thank you for sharing! After all, if we didn't have the valleys how could we appreciate the peaks?

Kathleen said...

I'm struggling to come up with a gray for my week, which is good. I'm not going to keep thinking because if nothing is jumping out and screaming at me, there is no need to dig something up.

There was a rainbow of color in my living room last night when on an ordinary Tuesday, my son and I decided to have "movie night". It was wonderful. Popcorn, jammies, blankets, cuddles, and the cutest little comments coming from a 2 year old's mouth.

Here's to more rainbows of color for the remainder of the week.

The Johnsons said...

My sister-in-law's brother dying of a drug overdose this week. In times like these it makes me cherish everything I have in life, especially my family, friends and health. His death has put things into perspective and makes me think twice when I get frustrated over the little things when in reality, they are nothing compared to a mother, father and sister losing their son/little brother at such a young age. I am grateful for all that life has giving me and am reminded time and time again to never take advantage of it.

pakosta said...

dear kelle,
you are a beautiful soul, your blog brings me much joy.
your girls bright happy faces and colorful photos give me a boost to face my day!
thank you for this post.
it's so real, emotional.
your girl is amazing and I can't wait to see what she grows up to be, I know her life has touched many and I am sure it will touch many many more.
I know she has certainly reached deep down into my heart and brought me peace & joy.
love, tara

Amber said...

My "gray" this week has come in ALOT of shades...alot. From a relative running away from a marriage to a 4 foot snake being found in my 3 yr olds bedroom! But the darkest gray is my Dad being very very sick and today we turned off his defibrillator so that when its his time, he will go peaceful... Oh the grays have taken me over this week.

But, when the day is over, I go home to my family of four and just drink them in because they are my rainbow of colors!

Mrs. Werginz said...

You are such a great writer!

My gray this week is the lack of communication with Karl's best friend and his wife. We all get along but I am the one who has to plan and it makes me sad.

My color is that I get to see my 7 month old nephew George this weekend. I haven't seen him since mid September(I normally see him 2 times a month so its been hard). I am just excited for my sis, BIL, and George to come over to Atlanta this weekend!

Two Hearts, One Love said...

My gray is the passing of my Grandma this weekend, and the fear that I could die the same way, but the color-purple her favorite, was everywhere the day we celebrated her life!

Katy said...

Oh goodness, you just brought tears to my eyes. I have the same fears for my little guy with DS. My gray this week has been my struggle with depression, but my color has been amazing friends.

Sandy said...

My gray this week came from worrying about finances and thinking I may have to go back to work.

My color came one morning when I realized, while my baby girl was smiling happily at her big sister as she danced around the room, that no amount of money is worth more than the moments that I spend with my 6 amazing kids. We WILL get by!

sk said...

Thank you for your blog, I love it! And, those bibs are adorable.

My little bit of gray this week (and I actually really like gray! I live in Florida too and by the end of the summer I'm ready for a few gray days!) is disappointment over the election outcomes, along with some unidentified uneasiness about the future....but the things bringing me joy? Let's see... pizza night! new (to me) episodes of 30 Rock and The Office, and an upcoming trip to Orlando to visit my nephew!

Teresa said...

Gray - Going back to work after maternity leave and having to leave my baby at the sitter's.
Color - Going back to work and feeling like I am good at something again. My 3 year old is kicking my butt and I feel like a horrible mama right now. I know I am good nurse and I do that job. Mothering is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

Love the bibs.

Young and Fabulous said...

my gray is not knowing what I want in life. I'm a recent college grad with a new "real life, real salary" job! I love my job, but I don't know where I will be in life and it scares me!

The colors of my life include knowing that whatever is going on in my life, I still have wednesday night trivia to look forward to with my bests...nachos, beer, and laughs as we try to scramble for answers. Life is good

Jessie said...

The beautiful thing about life is that you never, ever know what it will bring you. Do what you do, and keep living in the moment. The times you have with your beautiful daughters will fuel you through to whatever may come.

Happy Hump Day :)

Michelle said...

My grey is wondering if my husband will lose his job this week and my color is the friends I can share this with. The friends that will laugh, cry and pray with me no matter what :)

j210209 said...

This was such an honest and beautiful post. I love the relationship you have with words and photos and how you weave them together.

My gray? I'm going through alot of anxiety problems at the moment and it affects my every waking moment. A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom and I'm trying to crawl my way back out. Your blog is helping me so much and for that I thank you.

My gorgeous 20 month old son is definitely my colour though. No matter how anxiety ridden I am he can bring a smile to my face without even trying too. :)

Ash said...

My gray this week is that my hubby lost his job and we are expecting a baby in April. But my color and excitement is that we are expecting a baby in April even when we were told by doctors we wouldn't be able to have kids. I know things will work out for us and that the hubby will find a new job. Until then it's just learning to appreciate the grays in life while anxiously awaiting the colors. :)

Shana said...

This post made me cry...when you talked about holding Nella's hand before she holds yours..

I feel lucky to say that I don't have any gray this week (even though we are in the middle of potty training our 2 year old and my husband might disagree...actually I guess I have a lot of yellow!)...

My bright colored rainbow is holding my 6 week old little man and loving being home with my babes and watching my big "gill" being a big sister to her new little brother, it's amazing and is full of color! My son's name is Liam and his big sister Lily says "I wuv you Weeum"...she can't say her L's - how cute is that!

I love the bathroom color! And wouldn''t mind a bib for my little guy!

Daina said...

My gray this week is feeling like some of my students are not listening to what I say, and that they do not understand how much I love them and want them to learn! But bright colors were brought back quickly when one of those same kids brought me his full size, not snack size, Kit Kat from trick or treating. My heart melted.

On another note, I love love love those bibs, being a teacher in Brooklyn and resident of NYC! I will definitely check them out.

Thank you for your inspirational words always. Your daughters are beautiful!

Kate said...

My gray today is more like a thunderstorm...my Mom who is my hero and best friend was just diagnosed with cancer yesterday. I'm not quite ready to hold that hot potato yet.

My colour is that she is facing this with the same grace she faces every hurdle.

Also, tomorrow my husband and I leave on a long awaited trip to Cyprus to celebrate his 40th birthday.

It has been one roller coaster of a week.

Becca said...

I try not to think of the life expectancy issue, and just blindly convince myself that times are different now for our kids, that medicine, services and social development and stimulation have evolved enough to protect them. The other thing I try not to think about is early onset Alzheimer's. I'm *completely* in denial about that one, especially since both of my grandmothers had it. *sigh* Feeling your gray today. Know that you're not alone, and that we all feel that. We're allowed.

Siobhan said...

My gray is my job. It is sucking the life from me and I'm tortured by my sweet little one growing up with her daycare provider. I know I'm her mama but I just feel like there is so much more to life and I know I'm going to be looking back on these days and regretting the times I lost with her.

My color of course is my bug. She is my world.

Argh! And you chose Fix Me! This song gets me everytime. Thanks for the cry! At work no less!

p.s. I love those bibs! My daughter has a Brooklyn poster above her changing table and is in awe of it. My mom is from Brooklyn as is my mother in law. We wanted our bug to keep it real!

Mary said...

This week must be a cosmic undulation because the grays have been close to my heart in the past couple days as well. In fact it was a similar post I wrote a couple days ago about this very thing. Hard those grays but isn't it the bitter that makes things sweet? Hoping the rest of your week is all sorts of aubergine (I didn't even know that color till I read your post :)).

Jessica said...

The gray in my week is a sick little newborn and a sick little two year old. But the color is the all day snuggling we do in my bed. Would LOVE those bibs. SO cute!

Minori Family said...

My gray this week is that I think my life will drastically change in the new year (for good or for bad...time will tell) and the next 2 months are the holidays, which I love. Trying to make the most of it before the upheaval begins. My birthday is today & that should be my gray but I'm not really feeling it this year. Though I should, 30 is a big one. :o)

notetoself said...

My gray is trying to save money to do IVF. My husband and I have been trying for so long to have a child of our own and IVF is the next stop. It's maddening to me that people with far less money than us get pregnant so easily and we're having to fight our way every. single. step. of. the. way.

The color is that I see friends of our who have not been married as long as we have resenting each other and their children for not having time alone and time together as a couple. While I hate this road we're walking down, I'm grateful to be walking down it with the boy I married.

Nanette said...

My grey is being 33, through a few different *careers* and not knowing what I want to be "when I grow up."

My color is my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband.

Becca said...
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Elisabeth A. said...

My gray this week... my hubby got laid off on Monday and we have our first daughter due in six weeks! But when I think about her sweet cheeks and tiny baby toes and the piles of pink ruffles I get to dress her in- everything is alright.

Thank you for being so uplifting and seeing the positive in life. Even when it's hard to see past the grays.

Chickenbells said...

During a slow business week, I've enjoyed really taking the time to design a window display. Cleaning, fussing, fluffing, and really stepping back and enjoying being in the middle of creating.

Lindsey said...

My gray is the fact that I constantly struggle with feeling like I am not good enough at this mom thing. Some days I feel burnt out and others I feel overwhelmed.

But my color is my sweet 7 month old who is thriving and reassures me that I am doing a good job. Her smile makes me feel like supermom some days especially when my husband comes home to a clean house, a happy baby, and a happy mommy.

Smooshie said...

Interesting that you're using colors to describe your moods, as I'm synesthetic so I'm surrounded by color, both tangible and not, all the time. My gray this week is sleep deprivation... not because of my three month old who wakes only once a night, but because of my two year old who is suffering from night terrors something fierce. Today has been an especially rough day. But the color in my life is also because of my children, who bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined simply by giving me a smile or saying "I lub you, Mommy".

Mama Ezra said...

My uncle who was basically a grandfather to me died this week. He left me 20% of his inheritence. The gray part of this is that I can already see hyenas coming out of the wood work. I need to enjoy the small things, just remember him being such an important part of my childhood and not think about the rest.

MWD said...

Great post! My "grey" started out grey but turned into a wonderful shade of yellow. I thought that I was pregnant and found out that I wasn't. I thought this would make me sad and at first it did but then I looked at my daughter and realized that I'm already complete. While I would have welcomed a new little into my heart with the gusto that I have with my sweet daughter, realizing that I was just as happy to not be pregnant made me realize that I am complete.

And the thought of losing her, absolutely kills me. It's something that none of us mothers can ever fathom.

Jocelyn said...

The gray - Finding out my sister-in-law lost the heartbeats of both her twin fetuses. The vibrant - A friend who struggled for years to get pregnant is giving birth to her first little today.

Brad and Mallory said...

My gray this week has to do with the fact that I cannot control how people act towards me or my family. And no matter how hard I try to get them to see the err of their ways, it doesn't help.

BUT my color is that I know what God wants from His children and all I can do is strive to be that and pray for those around me.

Can't wait to see the bathroom makeover! I'm thinking of doing some painting soon myself.

The Whites said...

I love the bibs. You can't beat 2 bibs in 1!!!
I love all the sweet photos of your little ones.

Corlines said...

My gray and color are the same story. A beloved coworker's grandson had a seizure in school. He had an MRI and after the scan, the doc speculated that due to the symptoms leading up to this seizure that it was likely a tumor. He's 7. My gosh.

Well, the color is that she just called me to say the scan was clear! That news doesn't fix the broken, but it's a step in the right direction. Hooray for little victories.

Jan said...

Sadly, my gray is loosing my biggest cheerleader, my dad, 5 yrs ago tomorrow. But the joy my 12 yo triplets bring me is the total opposite of the sadness. They were my dad's joy too.

Jan

www.teensandtriplets.com

Erin said...

Kelle, as always, your writing surfaces those deep-down raw emotions...both the colorful ones and the not-so-colorful ones. I appreciate the exercise of the heart I get when I come to visit you :-)

My gray this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant. I hate that number. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about a year. Twice since Janauary, I have lost my baby in the seventh week. I am terribly afraid of going through a third miscarriage.

My color this week is that I am seven weeks pregnant!!!! I love this little bean so much and I cannot wait to round the corner of this weekend and make it to week 8!!!

Those bibs would sure make an awesome gift!!!

Thanks for sharing...even when it's gray.

Sending you love and lots of rainbows...

Ern

Nikki said...

Grey makes me happy. While we can ignore it, if we embrace it just a little bit we become prepared. Of course embracing and dwelling are two different things.

Love that bathroom color!

Polly Sumner said...

My gray this week is having my family away... loneliness. But the thought they will all be here for the holidays brings me a smile and warms my heart.

Michelle Ott said...

This families' story (they are currently in Florida) was my gray:

http://thematthewsstory.com/

...until I really understood why they are sharing their son's story. I think they want the rest of us to not only hold our kids tighter, but to be spurned to action. Do something! Make someone's life better! Give something up; time, money, your carefully constructed "perfect life" and make this world better for someone else. That is my color. The lesson that I needed to learn this week. The energy and fervency that this family loaned me!

LagniappeLove said...

I have been following your Blog for almost 6 months now and couldn't stand not commenting on this post so today I finally signed on.

Your thoughts about Nella are so deep and although I don't have children... yet...your words bring a reality to me and tears to my eyes.

Please thank your Father, what a blessing he is.

My gray this week would be the puppy I asked my husband to catch from a house I pass every day on the way to and from work. It was so sick and needed put to sleep. It is hard for me to understand how people can let this happen over and over again.

My color is my husband, he knows I cry deep inside for the innocent. He knows I see these things and he sheilds me some and helps with situations that hurt me so much. He is an inspiration.

Jorie said...

Grey IS beautiful...your grey pulls on the strings of my heart. It's the grey for all parents, just heighten in others because of scientific data! But I say screw scientific data...because you are living and loving your life perfectly, in the today!

Everyone has days like this. Kelle, you embrace everything that life throws at you and I cannot even being to tell you how much I admire you! You are inspiring!

Keep loving those babies each day and living your life as wonderfully as you are!

My grey will always be worrying about my babies...and my color will always be thinking about my babies!

I

Southern Gal said...

The gray was a friend's daughter who went missing. The color was finding her almost week later alive!

Callie said...

Some of the election results last night made me feel "gray".

But then.... some of them made me feel "pink" (my happiest hopeful color).

And your blog, even on those days when you share your "gray" make me always feel smiley gooey "pink".

Thank you for sharing your life and your girls with us all.

catherine(dot)alley(at)gmail(dot)com

Jen said...

Kelle - Speaking of color, have you looked closely at Nella's eyes lately? I'm pretty sure it's not anything you're doing in Lightroom/Photoshop, I can see it in three of the pictures from today. Check out the bottom of her left eye (looking at her, it's the right) - it's turning. Rich chocolate brown, like Lainey's (and yours). Making beauty even more beautiful.

K said...

I have been reading your blog religiously since the birth of Nella. I was pregnant at the time and now I have my own beautiful child of my own. His name is Braden Michael. My mom's name is Brenda so we just switched the letters around :) How original, right? Ha ha! Nonetheless, my mom is an amazing person, a great role model, and my best friend and for my son to bear a link to her name, well I can't see it any other way.

I guess my "gray" this week, which is a very light shade of gray compared to the other grays other people have been facing this week, is my son's plagiocephaly/brachycephaly. Mild as it is, I worry that it won't correct itself. This is hidden by the color that my son produces in one little smile...and he smiles a lot!

SalicosFamilyBlog said...

Very eloquently said.

The gray of my week - my 10 year old son is throwing up - not because he is sick, but because we moved to a new state and he started a new school and perhaps, his transition hasn't been as easy as mine....

The color is always, always that we are alive and well and together. Thanks for your posts and for making me appreciate what I have!

Maggie said...

I have followed your blog since the birth of my baby girl on January 26, 2010. I also have a 3-year-old son. I have never commented before, but your entry today falls right in line with my week and my mood. And it highlights to me how I gotta get outta this funk.

Lots of shades of grey this week here - close friends with kids the age of mine announcing their divorce, my beloved Grandmother's pneumonia worsening, my father-in-law's battle with MS he seems to be losing, a pumpkin being launched through our living room window by troublesome teenagers on Halloween night, rainy cold weather and, of course, bills, bills and more bills.

But, the wonderful fuzzy moss green color in my life today comes from playing tag indoors with my hilarious little boy (who is still dressed up in his T. Rex Halloween costume) while toting his sweet little baby sister (who is wearing baby blue jeans - so cute) on my hip.

And maybe this will give you a little bit of perhaps a nice orange sherbet color - my great aunt and uncle are in their 90s, and their son with Down Syndrome is in his 60s. They remain healthy and happy and together.

Jena said...

My gray this week is my fiance not getting the job of his dreams. I know God has a different plan for him but I still feel his every aching pain.

The color in my life is knowing that things will work themselves out for the best. AND....we are going to Mexico next week! I guess my color will come from my red MARGARITAS!! cheers!

Juzz said...

im looking forward to seeing the before and afters of your bathroom, I need some inspiration myself!

Kelly said...

My gray this week is the realization that my father whom passed away three weeks ago isn't coming back. And I miss him terribly. But my happy comes knowing that he is looking down on us and he sees just how full of love our home is. Just as full as his arms were when he was here holding my two little girls. And each night when they go to bed, they wrap themselves in their blankies and I know that his love is wrapped up super tight in there with them.

Rock said...

My gray this week was my boy coming down with a fever.

My color...keeping him home from school and enjoying the cuddles.

Your girls are so precious. I love your blog.

Sarah
srockney@hotmail.com

Many Titles said...

My gray this week seems to be ongoing. It has been around for 2 months now and just won't seem to go away. But I have had many splashes of color that sometimes clash with gray and make my gray hurt more, but then sometimes those colors compliment the gray and then I see how beautiful it all is. Dealing with the tough moments is all how we see them. Are we looking through a telescope at just the gray or are we looking at the whole picture filled with grays and other colors? I am sure we all have days of looking through the telescope. Thanks for being open to us!

Viridiana said...

My gray this week, is having our taxes, mortgage, and what it seems every bill due on the same week.
My color is watching my kids play and laugh with no care in the world. :)

Anna Theurer said...

First off, excellent photos of your darling girls and I really enjoy reading your blog.

Surprisingly, my grey is similar to yours. My aunt of 52 years has DS and is showing signs of Alzheimers. My daughter Ellie also has Down Syndrome and I become scared that she will either pass before me & the heart ache that comes with that or that I will pass and she will be alone.

My color, knowing that my aunt still has good clear moments, that she was rocking out to the band playing at the Fall Fest this past weekend, and watching my beautiful little girl try to cruise along the furniture for the first time this past week.

Celebrating the grey but always embracing the color.

Devon said...

This was a beautiful post!

As someone who has outlived two of her children, it is the worst thing imaginable....But I do treasure the smile things....

And in the midst of gray I find so much color in the smiles and laugther of my two little girls....

Young Family said...

After watching a very sad and almost depressing Oprah about a family that lost their three young children in a horrific car accident that made me cry (and I mean sob) my 2 year old daughter woke up from her nap and came to me. She put her hands on my face, looked at my red swollen eyes and said "I love you hun!" Then promptly kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. Then she left to go play with her blocks. That's my gray and my Inkberry!

Stephanie said...

My gray this week is the first payment of my student loan, and feeling like we will never be above the water. My color is that I have an awesome fiancé, who will do whatever he can to provide for us.

Lucy said...

Hello all the way from Margate, Kent UK!
My grey this week has been discovering that my son (who is only a fraction younger than your beautiful Nella) has a serious food intolerance that is making him quite poorly. It breaks my heart seeing him looking at food he cant have. He so wants to try it!
My brightest colour this week has been my daughter (who is a little bit older than Lainey!) only eat the foods that her little brother can eat so he doesnt get upset. What a great big sister she is!
I love your blog Kelle! Thank you! xxx

clove's corner said...

Your writing just keeps getting better and better; I'm impressed. Also, thanks for sharing the gray, because without it, we wouldn't have color.

Simply LKJ said...

First, thank you for being so candid. My gray-sitting in an ER for hours while my daughter is given IV meds for the worst migraine to date, and praying the cyst on her brain isn't the cause. The color-I got to spend a lot of quality time with her this past week while she was home sick.

shellycoulter said...

Love this post. Thanks for keepin' it real!

My gray: Frustrated with family drama
My Color: Spending time with my beautiful boys. Letting the dishes and chores go and playing Candyland or Legos. Those are decisions I never regret at the end of the day!

Kelly said...

Hi Kelle.

My gray this week has been being blue. I'm sure it's just the pregancy hormones but I've been crying a lot!

Color - I am preganant and very lucky.

Thanks again!

Chelsea said...

My gray this week is dealing my marraige following apart and how the divorce will effect my 15 month old son. My Color is my sons Smiling face.

SallyGirl said...

My gray? Being completely overwhelmed and a little terrified by the prospect of balancing 19 college credit hours and 2 part time jobs (and still having time with my husband and family.) The bright colors that balance it out? Someone I've recently become close to saying, "You're practically my sister now. You're more my sister than my real sister." Gotta love the love. Also my husband's beautiful smile, which, fortunately, he melts my heart with on a daily basis.

P.S. You and your girls are completely beautiful!

MrsMiller07 said...

I've been wanting to re-do our master bath ever since we moved into our new house. It needs far to much work to do on our non-existent budget. Please post before and after pics!

My gray this week is being in a new place and not having close friends or family to confide in and have love on my little one.

Megs said...

I loved this post. I love reading your blow and I love reading about how optimistic and cheerful you are. But sometimes as I have reflected on your posts and how happy you are amidst the trials you are facing, I feel empty and foolish that I cannot be as strong and optimistic as you are. So this post really touched me by giving me a glimpse of how you choose to deal with reality and move on. Not that you don't acknowledge the hard things, but you choose to not let it be the focus. And that is what I admire and want to emulate.

My Grey... trying to finish my degree while taking care of my 6month old.
My Color... knowing I'm going to finish my degree!

Jeannett said...

This reminds me of Julie's words in her post:

"I realize now that the months of mourning and grieving are just the dark brushstrokes on the beautiful, wonderful painting that is my life.

The painting that is still so much a mystery, but a wonderful masterpiece that will all make perfect sense when it is completed."

Gray has purpose. And I believe that it is simply to make the reds and the blues and the greens that much more vibrant. Think of the first scenes of Wizard of Oz...how ASTONISHINGLY bright it all was after coming from the grays of Kansas.

Life is hard. But even more beautiful.

Danielle said...

my gray hasn't surfaced this week - for that I am so very grateful. I fear it hovering somewhere close by w/ my sister taking in two foster kids and opening her heart to them (like I did not so long ago) - I am so afraid for the hurt she will endure if they must leave her and return home. My colors? My colors are my beautiful foster children soon to be my own as the adoption draws to an end. My heart aches to read about your gray. Patti Rice is a dear friend of mine (my sister is married to her oldest son) and I know that she dies a thousand deaths contemplating these things too. ): {{hugs}} We love Nella as if we know her!! Thanks for sharing your heart!

notanillusion said...

My gray is a lack of money to the point that it's distressing, which is frustrating. First paychecks of the month are always tough to get through.

But my colors? My beautiful nephew, who I'm seeing tonight, all 21 months of perfection of him. And my amazing boyfriend, who in response to my request that he say something sweet to me, texted me this: You mean like reminding you that you make my life better simply by being in it? You make me smile every time I see you. You make me laugh because of the joy you get from life, even the smallest things like S'more goldfish.

They're my sunshines and grapes and all colors in between!

Matt and Teresa said...

I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing your life and pictures. My gray is the lack of sleep I have been getting from being up with my newborn but he is also my color. I love that he is starting to smile when he sees me.

Robinson Family said...

My gray this week is my very own January 22, 2010 little getting sick and the ever ending thoughts that if I just did not have to work I could shield him from those germs and give him all the one-on-one attention a little 9 month old could ask for. So after crying about that this morning, I got a sweet email of my little grinning because he determined how to climb our bar stool all by himself... and brightness comes from all the wonders of what is to come! Thank you, as always for your perspective and uplifting blog posts!

Julie said...

My grey this week is that my "baby" is shadowing high schools and that means is really is no longer my baby. My color is knowing I am going to see my second "baby" this weekend when we visit her at college in Milwaukee!

I love your babies!

The Shaw's said...

Gray has certainly been a predominant color in my life this week. I suffer from fibromyalgia and when ever the weather changes is wreaks havoc on my body. I wake up feeling like I've been run over by a Mack truck. And that might be ok, if I didn't have 4 kids to care for. And two of them are under 2! BUT in the midst of this gray moment and literally a gray, overcast day, came the most beautiful pictures of my family. It was family picture day with one of my most favorite photographers here in Arkansas. Raye Law Photography. We were dressed in beautiful shades of purples and grays! And the sky was grey and the photo shoot short as the rain finally tried to fall. In the midst of all that gray, I saw smiles and laughter and so much LOVE, making gray my new favorite color. Here's a link to one of those gorgeous, gray moments: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=459666630998&set=a.103594380998.91353.28023915998

Jeanne said...

My Grey: Was getting frustrated with my two kids over something really silly. Then having my 2.5 year old talk about what I said for over a day. Not my favorite moment of motherhood.

My Rainbow: Knowing that tomorrow is another day to be great. To be fun. To be exciting for my kids.

Kelle, I just wanted to reach out and give you a cyber hug.

jill said...

my gray is knowing that my 4yo niece has recently been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor...but, she started her chemo treatments this week and is doing relatively well with them. knowing she will be back to her little, vibrant self(given time)puts a whole lot of color back in my days. the tears have stopped and the smiles are starting to come back, little by little.

AllisonKathleen said...

My gray comes in shades. This week's shade is an intense one. It is beautiful like the rolling clouds of a thunderstorm, but it is just as terrifying. I found out that I have a placenta previa after a massive bleed that left me hospitalized for a weekend. My son is healthy and a fantastic dancer, but the previa seriously complicates the rest of the pregnancy.

I'm sitting with this gray, absorbing it, wallowing a little; but doing my very best to give it to God and trust everything will be perfect and wonderful.

j3nny47 said...

My gray this week was having my mom tell me - at the end of my lunch break yesterday - that after her 2nd mammogram, they want to do a biopsy. When I hung up the phone, I couldn't even say the words to my boyfriend (who was driving me back to work). I choked on them in my throat and started crying. Without me asking, he drove some laps around campus so I could gather myself before going back to the office. After having a day to let my brain consider and re-consider all sorts of outcomes I feel somewhat better, and reading the entry about your gray "highlight" this week, I don't feel so alone. Thanks for being you, Kelle. Happy Wednesday!

Mrs. Buckingham said...

Beautiful post! And SO true!

Gray: Our perfect little schedule has somehow gotten off track this week and I'm not quite sure if we now have a schedule at all thanks to those darn little pearly whites trying to peep through my little's gums. Poor baby. Hate to see him hurting, and hard when everyone in the house loses sleep over it.

Beautiful colors: Waking up to my handsome Baby boy and husband every morning, and looking forward to a visit from out of town family this weekend!

Tonje said...

My grey this week (and the last month)is dealing with anxiety and alot of other stuff. Suddently I find myself being away from school for a month and getting help from professionals. I never in my wildest dreams imagined this would happen to me, especially at the age of 17. So yes, life does suck sometimes. It sucks really, really, really bad. And I'm finding it hard to believe that everyday holds a potential for beauty. But trust me, reading your blog makes a difference. It might seem strange, but in a way, it helps! You're so good at what I'm worst at; staying positive. I've always wanted a life like yours, and I know now that I can. I really can if I just pull myself together and start to accept that yes, my life might not be at it's best right now, but it will change. It will...

Adrianne Kautz said...

My gray is watching my 49 year old mom die a slow and miserable death from scleroderma. My color is every second I spend with my beautiful baby girl and watching her grow. The circle of life.

Thanks for letting us all vent. It feels good.

Bobbie said...

My little bit of gray this week was the failure of an important proposition for our school district. The failure means millions of dollars lost for our students. My color is aways brought on when my own cherubs come in from a full day at school. With a 4th grader and an 8th grader sometimes the color seeps through to light an amazing rainbow.

Baughman Family said...

My gray this week was watching my best friend lose her father to cancer. The color came in the hug we were able to share after months of being apart while she sat by his side. She was blessed to have all their final thoughts shared.

Wade and Tara said...

my gray this weeke is my little one has had an ear infection and a cold all week but my colour is that she has been so cuddly and I am LOVING it!!

great post!

Patty said...

My gray is the difficulty in "figuring out" how your adopted child thinks...is it a nature vs. nurture thing?


My color is knowing that today, Nov. 3, is his adoption anniversary! The joy and love of having my heart swell from his birth once again...makes being born from my heart a double-dip chip day!

He Gives Us Manna said...

My Grey is week is silly and doesn't seem very important, but I'm surprisingly sad and mournful. My favorite chicken, lady gaga, had a run-in with a coon and she's gone...
The color, well...I got to catch my first baby at a birth this week. Yeah and that's a pretty bright one if I do say so myself...

Johanna said...

My Grey is my 22 yr old friend who just a month ago was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced liver cancer. She is going to die... it is an enveloping grey that I am trying to accept. It sucks.

My colour?
Fireworks on friday yusssssss

Brandi Robinson said...

I have never written a comment before and have wanted to many times. I really love reading your blog and all of the inspirational comments you always write. I check it every day and have told everyone I know about it. You are an amazing writer and most of all mother. Your girls are so lucky to have you! I have 3 boys and strive to be the best mom that I can be. You make me realize to take a moment and to really listen to them, to REALLY listen to them.

My grey; not being able to be a stay at home mom and I really wish that I could do that. My boys are ages 14, 11 and 5. They will be grown before I know it. Today is a tough day. A friend of mine lost her daughter to diabetes this morning. This has made me realize how sudden your life can change and to appreciate every moment you have with your loved ones as they could be gone tomorrow.

My color; knowing that I have a second chance tonight and tomorrow to take the time to sit with my boys and listen to them and even though I can’t stay home with them during the day, there is always the nights and weekends and we will make the most of those times!

leemeandthegirls said...

Again, I so agree...with all of it. And to prove it, our last house--- yeah, the guest room was a lovely shade of gray beard. But today, I am finding the happy in a baby who is ALMOST walking, a high chair I can't figure out how to put together, and the fact that fall has officially arrived.

Rae said...

gray this week is working through my older son's behavior issues, and my younger son's peak colic time. But through that, I haven't cried in almost 48 hours.

the colors? the bright lime of the older'r sense of humor. the warm yellow of the younger's smile. the peaceful blue of being wrapped in my husband's arms. and the golden hope that things will be better.

iris_k said...

My gray is that my doctor's drug concoction was successful in getting me to ovulate. For most women this news is great, but for me,I am actively trying to get pregnant at 39 years old and I am damned scared of the potential issues with my child. I know that children will be born into this world the way they are supposed to be. Because of this, I hold on to your blog for a lifeline, Your blog is the happy color when my gray feelings hit regarding the possibility of having a child with Downs Syndrome. You show the happiness & joy but you also show the sadness & reality. Thank you for everything you do and for sharing your gifts with all of us.

Autumn said...

Gray---It is my maiden name, I love it and carry it daily. :-)
Colors, I can hear my children playing sweetly in the next room with new toys we just bought with ziplocs full of change they recieved from a Halloween Piggy Bank at my Mom's...(People in line behind us at Walmart---Def. not in the color zone!!)
This was a beautiful article!!
John 16:33

Brie'n Marie said...

Kelle, I relish in your optimism! I love gray, however my gray this week is my impatient-ness. I get to test this weekend to find out if I am going to be a Mama (!!!) and I want to know NOW. My color this week, is the same thing. I get to take my first pregnancy test. I can't wait to be a Mama, so please, gray, purple or otherwise please cross your fingers and say a little new mama prayer for me. Thanks again for sharing your amazing littles with me!

Courtney Williams said...

After that story, my heart aches for that woman, for our daughters, for us, and for your Dad. But I am thinking how lucky she was to have your Dad with her. I had a moment this week where another Mom at my son's school was clearly trying to figure out why my daughter, Maddie, wasn't doing as many things as her son who is only a month older. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want it to influence her, I wanted her to see Maddie as "normal", "typical". But the only person I was fooling was myself, she knew something was different. After I picked up my son and we left, I had a "This sucks" pity party for myself. The next day I was at an appointment and Maddie started waving "hi" back to me. It was intentional this time, and she did it over and over! I was elated!! I recently read this from Paul Daugherty's blog, "The clarity of life’s beauty is more evident when the struggle for that beauty is more difficult." and was struck by how true it was in this moment. Here's hoping we can all see more of life's beauty and enjoy the small things!

Kelsey said...

My mom has been visiting me and my family in Alaska. She has fibromyalgia and can't very well take care of herself, but the truth is that for a lot of reasons, we can't either, so we have to send her back home to Tennessee live with a boyfriend she doesn't like, waiting on a yes or no from disability which, if she does get it, will not cover anything more than a lifestyle of poverty. She's worked her whole life and shouldn't have to go through this, but the truth is that we need some strong prayers that something good happens for her. The silver lining to my gray is that we did get to spend 12 wonderful days with her, exploring Alaska, and the movie channel :)

Mica Elayne said...

Oh, honey, that's tough! My sister-in-law has Down Syndrome and will turn 34 years old next week. As she ages, my poor husband struggles to accept that fact as well.

My "gray" is that my son's school is in constant contact with me because of his hitting and biting. I am a teacher and attachment parent and this pains me. I'm finding color in the fact that I am so lucky to have this boy who fills my heart each day, even if he is going through a "violent" stage. Many women can't have little ones.

Beverly said...

Your pictures are beautiful and they make me smile every day and bring me color! My very small gray is a viral infection that gave me vertigo. There's a name, a long one. Let's just call it infection. My color, besides your pictures of course, is that I'm better. But I came to YOUR site today to get some smiles. Thank you.

Deborah said...

My gray this week is the reality that my marriage is ending.The one I planned to grow old with, the one who's friendship I desire is emotionally unavailable.

Just the other day my 12 week old grandson giggled with me. His smile burst into a rainbow of colors that showered down and melted my heart.

Thank you Kelle for reminding me to "Enjoy the small things"

Kelly said...

my "gray"...missing my husband, who travels A LOT for work. My "little happy" are my two gorgeous kiddos....last night I was at my whits end, came into the kitchen to find they had taken EVERY baggie I had(I had 4 boxes in the drawer) and thrown them all over the floor...my oldest was making "snow angels." I just had to laugh...puts things into perspective. I'm trying to learn to enjoy these moments with my kids, rather than trying to "get thru the week til hubby is home."

Sarah said...

My gray is facing the birth of my 3rd, unexpected yet not at all unwanted, child. It will place the youngest 2 kiddos 18 months apart, which I don't feel at all prepared to handle. My gray is knowing someone will have to hear "Not right now" as I juggle the demands of a newborn, toddler, 4 year-old, and a fantastic hubby. I never wanted to be the mama who couldn't read a book when asked, and I know at some point I will have to say "no" and the dissappointment that will be looking back at me will be hard. But the color is that I get one more sweet face to kiss, head to smell, body to snuggle. I get to be another brilliant baby's hero as I answer the cry to eat at 3am. And the delight I get as I watch my 2 babes enjoy each other will be tripled when our newest one arrives.

Becca said...

Wow, I posted my gray, but never mentioned my color. Figures I'd come across as a glass-half-empty kinda person. Definitely *not* me! My color is my beautiful little girl, seeing her beautiful smile every morning when she wakes up, hearing her beautiful voice telling me she loves me, feeling her hand in mine as we walk together. There is *nothing* in this world better than that.

Jill said...

My grey this week is the same as it has been for the past 3 months - struggling to come to terms with the loss of two of my cousins, both taken too young, tragically, unexpectedly...two deaths that kicked me in the gut, took my breath away, and still have my mind crowded with two little words: "No fair"

My colour this week? Seeing my aunts who lost their sons moving on, smiling again, putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with their lives. Their bravery, acceptance, faith and peace fill me with a warm, golden glow...

The Cupcake Queen said...

a lovely post that reminds me to live in the moment and not take a single moment for granted. thank you for your encouragement and insight. you are a blessing.

momto6kids said...

My gray this week was getting the news that our 18 month old son has pulmonary hypertension again. He has Ds and his heart defect is now fixed so why won't this pesky PH go away? Geeezzzz!

The color of life is all the greater when diagnosis such as this are thrown our way. It makes us cherish every moment, every breath, every gray or vivid color so much more.

And on the plus side, our little man said a new word this week..."Gog"...for the dog...and cat! Made my heart sing!

Debbie
the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com

Mary A-J :) said...

My heart hurt with yours while reading this post but also felt joy with you at the same time. Both your girls are so beautiful and so obviously loved!

My gray is a bit perpetual...it's finances and living in a perpetual sense of drowning in that regard.

My colorful rainbow is enjoying a late evening stroll with two pups in the lead and a wonderful smiling boy in the wagon behind me. Also, I am a licensed elementary teacher who will be substituting for a second hour high school class for my first experience in the classroom, outside of student teaching. I have been out of the game for four years but I am ready to dive in.

Jen said...

My grey this week is a silly fight I had with my husband. He was at home with our daughter and his phone had died but I was trying to get ahold of him for about 2hours. I was worried sick and drove home as fast as I could the whole way home. I know its stupid but it always worries me when someone doesn't answer. I yelled at him. And he yelled back. And we didn't talk for most of the rest of the night. And I felt even worse for that part.

Lisa said...

My colour this week is finding out that I am carrying the miracle of life, my little #2.
My gray is wishing I could show just how excited I am but that others circumstances and reactions lead me to hold back.
Let the vibraint colours shine through..I am more of an aubergine kind of girl anyway.

Regina said...

My color is my beautiful 3 1/2 month old daughter. My grey is that she has Down Syndrome and I am still learning to live with that. Thank you for sharing your story.

Lindsey Wolfe said...

They gray today... receiving the montly reminder that this month of trying to get pregnant didn't happen.

The colors for me is looking at the beautiful boy I have and seeing the joy through his eyes! And the hope that NEXT month will will have a new baby in my belly.

Stacy said...

my grey... missing my mom. No matter how long it has been and how much happiness you have in your life, somthing seems to be missing when you can't share the little things with your mom, things only a grandma could appreciate. This week I have wanted to tell her so many things.
my color... yellow, bright, red and even PINK (don't usually like pink) my youngest baby girl is doing amazingly well and is perfectly healthy and gaining an ounce a day just nursing (amazing for a very early preemie). at 3.5months she is almost triple her 2lb 4oz birth weight. Just one of my 3 miracle baby girls. :-)

Lindsey Culver said...

Gray is working at a job when I want to be doing another - full time photography! I'm about 6 months away from my goal.

The cool fall weather is bringing my happy. I grew up in the midwest, but now live in the southeast so still miss the full-blown fall leaves and weather.

thb said...

I like the idea of a dark, slate gray. Also, I like the idea of winning a brooklyn bib. I'm pregnant & hoping for a girl, which ironically, I'm naming Brooklyn! That would be soooo cool!

The Birth of KLC said...

My "gray" this week is the fear that one or both of the identical twins I am carrying may not be there on the next ultrasound.

My "colour" is that my husband is coming home for the weekend to be here to find out with me!

Erika said...

kelle, so beautiful.

well- our story is that we actually have held the hands of two of our daughters after they passed away.

two years ago.

my days are much less gray than they used to be, and we are enjoying rainbow filled days of great vibrancy.

we have since had another baby- who does not replace her sisters, but gives us so much hope and a chance to love here and now.

we are also in the process of adopting a special needs daughter from china- one who was (coincidentally?) born halfway across the world when our daughters died.

it's weird how life works sometimes, huh?

((((hugs))))

xoxo,
Erika

Jessica said...

My gray this week is my teething 7 month old. Sadly, with all her fussiness and agony comes lots of cuddles for her mama, which I love. She's a trooper, and thats what keeps me going.
These bibs are adorable and would be the perfect gift for my sister-in-law who has little baby Piper on the way!

Katie said...

My gray is the loss of a dear friend who died last week at the age of 42 leaving a wife and 22 month old son. My color is my three wonderful kids (7, 6, and 4-1/2 months).

LibTenney said...

My grey this week is the fact that my parents divorce is getting even worse and my younger siblings are being dragged into the middle because my dad is being selfish :( My color is yellow for sunshine because I have a happy healthy baby, a loving husband and a great life despite the terrible world we live in.

Jess Litster said...

my gray- not being able to hear my baby's heart beat at our first dr. appt on monday... everything is fine, the baby is just not old enough yet... in a few more weeks we should be able to hear the precious heart beat of my little baby in my belly. But my color is my two sweet babes I already have here with me that bring so much light to every single day! And my 2 year old daughter telling me she hopes that the baby in my tummy is a baby sister. So so sweet!

Thank you for sharing your grays and your colors. You are an inspiration!

Wall Family said...

My gray this week.. My lil babers has had a fever since Monday, and I have had to work. I wish I could be a SAHM. :(

Jennifer said...

Kellee,

My gray is that we have discovered that our unborn child has an arm deformity. We don't care but I care how the world will treat her. She deserves only the best and I hate how the world will judge her for something that wasn't her fault. The color is that I never thought I would have her - ever. Her life touching mine is the color that keeps me going. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Michelle said...

My gray not hitting a goal I had set for myself with the health and wellness company I work for.

My color is my four year old daughter telling me she needs some mommy daughter alone time this week.

On a side not my husband works for S-W and we loved seeing the color deck on your blog!

T. Nelson said...

My gray is that I miss my mom so much lately. I need to tell her so many things. November & December are always the worst.

My color joy is the promise of a long weekend away with my guy. Parent/teacher conferences will be done, I'll have no school on Friday, and we're hitting the road! Whew... I need the escape!

P.S. I really really really love your blog. It's a little piece of color for me every time you post. :)

Tracy said...

my grey this week: having a co-worker try to make me feel inferior because of her wrong, not mine.
my sunshine: picking up my daughter everyday at 5 and having her run towards me with the biggest smile and "hey momma!"

Ashley said...

This was a great post and a great reminder to live in the moment each and every day and not to worry about tomorrow. My Uncle plead guilty to 17 counts of pediphilia this last month after turning himself in in February. No one expected it and we all saw him as such a good, good person. Since then and since having my son in August I've been so afraid of his future and of anyone who would hurt him because someone I knew and trusted was capable of hurt. It's hard not to be afraid and live in fear of what could happen x amount of years from now (I have a post publishing on it tomorrow, actually), but I am constantly reminded that these moments are the ones that matter and if I'm a good Mom now in these moments then my son will be more confident in the long run and just being more confident will help him be safe. Thanks again for the reminder. :)

The Sneezeweed said...

my gray this week is missing the mountain town that I made my home. The one I moved away from simply be default, not desire. And when this lovely crisp air sets in, it is the only place I want to be.

My streak of color (a bright sunflower yellow in my mind) is getting to spend time with the friends I have here on this island. Sitting in a local, low key bar sipping on delicious pumpkin ale. My streak of color is embracing this lovely season.

Lacy Hope said...

My gray this week is not knowing exactly how to balance my time between my 2 year old little girl. My first born. And my 2 week old twin boys. I'm still getting the hang of twins, and it sucks that my best friend, her, has to take a back burner for a bit.

My color is almost the same though. It's the moments when both boys are changed and fed and sleeping on my lap balanced in the Boppy, and my girl props her coloring book up on it too using other pillows and covers to balance it out, and we color together like old times. It's my happiest moments to have them all 3 close and happy because of what I'm doing. It makes me feel like a Rockstar! :)

Train Family Waipuk said...

My gray is packing away all the memories I have of my Dad into a shoebox this past week.

My colour is a heartfull of memories that can't be kept in said box.

Keep painting Kelle, it makes for a beautiful world!

Jen said...

I love your blog, my gray is being tired, but I have three wonderful children that make me tired and for this reason I know everything will be ok! They are truly my color!

Mrs Showers said...

My world was grey this week until turned instantly vibrant pinks and greens with excitement and overwhelming joy when we got our amniocentesis results back yesterday. My girlfriend sent me this blog as a way of coping with the possibilities of all the "what if's" I was asking myself over the last two (and longest of my life) weeks. I love your posts and am stealing today's quote "Life is sometimes hard. Reality sometimes sucks. But most of the time? Most of time, it's amazing." It's so true and I wanted to say thanks for your encouraging and uplifting words.

KWQR said...

Oh Kelle... typing through tears... When I read the words "She had Down Syndrome" I lost it. Totally sobbing lost it. Because even with acceptance of my son's diagnosis and the all-kinds-of-wonderful that he has brought to our lives, there is still that shadow that lurks... that the end of his life may come before my own. Or that he might be alone & scared. And that just kills me to think about.
But she wasn't really alone, was she? Thinking of your father being there with her makes me smile through this hot mess of tears.

My gray this week? More a gray of a different shade... found out yesterday that I am not pregnant this month. After two miscarriages & a year of trying for our #3, am starting to look for the place of being okay with how things are now. Cuz, they are really good... which brings me to the color... that right now my two little guys are healthy & happy & keeping me on my toes in all the best ways.
xo
Kate
p.s. Thanks for your email... you made my morning. :-)

Claire said...

Were I as good with words as you are, this post could have been written by me.

My gray is the passing of my mother in law a little less than a month ago. She was only 54 and it was very sudden. None of us were prepared for it and I still haven't come to grips with it.

There have been a few spots of colour lately though... thank goodness for that! We are in the process of closing on our dream house and got word that all is set and we should have the keys on Monday. My husband just found out that he gets Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas off this year... for the first time in four years! (He's a police officer) That will be a huge blessing as the holidays this year will be rough. And as always, my two sweet girls are always a burst of colour in my life. They just make me happy!

Thanks for sharing so much of yourself Kelle. Your sunny and positive outlook has been a huge strength to me through a tough and trying year.

Annie said...

"And knowing that I have scientific data that increases the likelihood that I will hold her hand before she holds mine made me really, really sad this past weekend."
Reading that sentence made me feel like the wind had been knocked out of me, and the tears came, hot and fast. My Lilah is the same age as Nella, and the very thought of living in a world where she no longer exists is more than I can bare.
I look at my little girl and I want to hold her tightly to my chest and protect her from anything that may hurt her. Motherhood is so scary, and even if something happened to my little one today, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because this love, this primal thing that makes me feel like I could kill or be killed to protect my child is what's made my life so much MORE.
As for my gray this week - it's small, but I've always wanted to stay home with my child but finances don't allow it. She cries every day when I drop her off, and my morning are very hard. But there's a big fat ray of sunshine in my week too....because I finally heard that sweet little word..."Mama".

feelsliketime said...

My graye this week,,,Cancer. It so totally sucks. Today my Best Friend in the world's husband should be turning 43 today. Instead he lost his battle 5 years ago leaving 3 little girls (9 years, 4 years and 6 weeks) and his high school sweetheart of a wife.
Cancer has stolen the lives of my father's entire family. My Uncle was the last of his brothers and sister to succumb to this disease last month. Cancer so supremely S-U-C-K-S.

Kj said...

You are sooo amazing!! this is the first time I'm commenting on your blog but I have been reading it for a long time.
My gray is that I keep thinking how I have to go back to work in 2 months. I know, it's a long time but it will go by sooo quickly and my baby is only 2 months old now. I would love to stay home for much much longer.

Dr Pepper said...

My grey this week was realising we live far too far away from my family and that they can't share these last few weeks of pregnancy with me. My colours are getting a date for my c-section. 2 weeks and counting and my precious baby will have graced us with her presence! Have a sparkling week, Kelle.
Big love from England. x

Cassi said...

It is crazy, your blog today and how it coincides with my life in a way. My Color OR my Gray is going to be found out tonight in just a few hours when my best friend finds out if she is pregnant after years of trying and trying IUI last month! I soo hope it will be my Color, but I know I will be ok if it is my Gray too!! :)

Jennifurla said...

My mom visited me this week (we live on opposite coasts) her visit is over and she is back home, I miss my mom. That is my grey. I love to hold my daughters hand..her sweet precious lil hand.

Sylvia said...

Tears in my eyes (again) reading this post. You inspire me everyday!! Life is good. I try to enjoy it and take in every moment. Wow!

My gray...unemployment and not knowing where to go next. We are relying on family and friends to get through these times. But I'm definitely realizing that family and friends are more important than anything, and honestly, nothing else matters.

Benay said...

My "gray" was the election. I can't stand hearing people say hateful things - life is hard enough without cruelty from ignorant people.

My color? I suppose I have yet to find it. I guess there is color in knowing that I'm not alone in my frustrations. I just wish that was enough to make this world a better place to live in, a task which seems impossible right now.

Summers Family said...

well I wasn't expecting to start crying when a stole a moment away from the kids to read your blog. Oh the sad realities of life sometime. My daughter has Spina Bifida and battles recurrent UTI's which can be very damaging to her organs. It scares the hell out of me and although I try to live in the moment sometimes I have moments (days) like you described.

I'm glad you were able to work through it and move forward. I'll go back and read the rest of the blog later - I'm going to cuddle my 3 babies for a few and live in the moment.

Wishing you a great rest of the week.

Nicole
http://babygirlsummers.blogspot.com/

Kryssie said...

My gray right now is my own infertility and knowing my sister, whose life is far from ideal, has a beautiful daughter. What I want so bad.

My color is knowing that when I make the trip to see them later this month, I'll get to soak up the pure love that is a baby. What a great giveaway! I'd love to present those bibs to my niece.

Jessica said...

I love reading your posts, such an eye opener :) my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and my grey this week was finding out that again I wasn't pregnant, but my wonderful husband decided to take me to the beach where we first fell in love for a romantic weekend and that just brightened everything up!

Taylors said...

Grey... let's see... having to study and spend far too much time away from my growing little ones. Color... hubby's triathalon this weekend is a great excuse for a family trip!

www.jaketaylorfam.blogspot.com

Deanna said...

you're lucky that nella is so healthy right now. my daughter addison is a little bit younger than nella and has already had three major surgeries, a five week nicu stay, is still on oxygen (after nine months), and tested positive for transient leukemia at birth. i feel like my entire experience of motherhood has been spent every day fearing the death of my daughter who has so completely stolen my heart. i have stared in the face of gray for so long that it seems like sunshine to me now because it isn't black. my gray is my color. btw, i have been trying my hand at writing out my experiences to perhaps help another mom going through the same thing someday, and i find myself totally intimidated by your writing style. every time i read your blog, i walk away saying that i can't write worth anything...but i am certainly trying. (-:

DisneyRose said...

Kelle,

Let me tell you about my friend, John Pat. John Pat (JP) has Down syndrome. He will be 58 in January. He's lived in a group home for his entire adult life and has a large family that is very involved in his life. He's got an infectious personality; hands down my favorite person in the entire world.

Two years ago (Oct 11, 2008) JP was diagnosed with end stage liver disease and we were told he wouldn't make it to Thanksgiving. He was confined to a wheelchair, sent home on hospice, and "dying". Two years later (now), JP is about to celebrate his THIRD Thanksgiving since we were told he wouldn't live to the first one. He's walking again, was discharged from hospice, and is doing wonderfully. He has never been alone. Where friends and family end, staff begins. Given the amount of time staff spends with him and his housemates, they are as good as (sometimes better than!) friends and family. Part of me thinks that it's his lack of understanding and pure innocence that has kept him alive for so long; he had no clue that he was "dying" and so he keeps living.

As someone who works in the field (I'm a social worker) and who has sat bedside by numerous adults with and without Down syndrome during their final hours, I can promise you with little doubt in my mind that even though we can't predict how long Nella's life (or any of our lives!) will be, she will never be alone. People like your father and myself will make sure that never happens.

I'm sending this in an email also to make sure you see it. Hug Nella for me, one of her biggest fans.

Tracie

Kylie and crew. said...

My gray is our housing situation, my color is.....at least I have a warm place to sleep and a home full of laughter from children and my best friend and husband to share it with. More color than gray....yet the gray is still there. It's been a rough week.

A said...

My little gray....an 11th failed cycled at TTC our first baby.

A little color...a doctors appt schedule for December 2nd to look at our next step. Swallowing the bitter pill of infertility, and acknowledging that we just might need a little extra help to conceive our own little miracle.

Thank you for your beautiful post and sharing your beautiful girls with us.

Trystan said...

My gray is I have chemo on November 10 and my sunshine is...it's the LAST one, so I don't really care how sick I get! I love your blog!

Lauren said...

My gray is the fact that my grandmother is dying and I can't be with her. I have to be here so my son can be in school, because he's already missed far too many days because it seemse he's been sick every week since school started. He's autistic and I know the school is working very hard to help him, but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, say "we'll try kindergarten again next year," take him out of school, and go spend time with my grandma.

I see her every weekend, but I am so scared that I'll get that dreaded phone call at any moment.

Lauren said...

Oh, and my color is, as always, my wonderful children.

Drew and Kristi said...

My grey this week? Worrying that my kids won't have a fabulous Christmas if I can't afford to buy them as much as I would like to give them. Silly, I know. I would care more than they would, but still.

My color? Finding out I have more and more in common with a friend I would love to call my closest friend. Love her.

And love the bibs! Too too cute! Got me inspired to try and sew my own!

KaitlinCole said...

I LOVE this and I love that sweet Nella. With tears streaming down my face I read through your post. Amazing Kel, AMAZING! You are a mama and your love pours outta your heart.
My gray is saying goodbye to my best friend in the whole world (who was visiting for a day with her baby). I got to watch her baby while she atteneded a conference and then she stayed to visit for a bit and they left. It breaks my heart that I do not know this baby like I did her first one but my heart leaps with LOVE and PASSION for this babe like he was my own because she is the most amazing friend a girl could ever ask for and I would not be a mama without having walked with her during her earlier miscarriage and her first and seconds kids. I am sad we had to move away from her but I love her more everyday and I am treasuring the times I do get to see and hug her and her babies!

Annette said...

My "gray" this week is missing my family that lives 9 hours away....But the color, oh my the color, far outways my gray which is the love I see in my grandbabies eyes each morning when they arrive for the day...

Funky Kim said...

My gray this week has been my gray this past month. I was the one who called my father to tell him that I had found my brother dead. It was not a phone call I ever wished to have to make. But it was what it was. And my father aged before my eyes that week.

It's been a month since that fateful day. We're busy trying to figure out what day to go spread my brother's ashes as the place my brother wanted is a road trip. It will be a beautiful road trip in a beautiful part of the country. Dead Horse Point, Utah. We shall do this the day before Thanksgiving.

Then we'll head home and cook up a feast and fill the day with things we are thankful for and we'll have to buy rolls because the only person who could make yeast work in our family was my brother.

On November 30th I will go see a specialist to see if I have the genetic defect that caused the sudden death in my brother. A clean bill of health is what I want to give to my parents for Christmas this year.

Kathleen said...

We were blessed to adopt two beautiful children who happen to have special needs. My gray this week has been thinking about what the future holds for them. We tell kids that if they work hard, they can do anything. This isn't really true and they are starting to figure that out.

Lara said...

The grey... that would be the stomach virus that forced us to miss Trick or Treat... and the emergency dog surgery (she is fine now though!) :-)

The color... a sweet haircut for my daughter! She is now rocking a ginger bob! I could eat.her.with.a.spoon! :-)

Abilew-who said...

My gray is easily the amount of time I get to spend with my little booboos. My sweet Willy is 2.5, and my little Eleanor is 4 months. I'm a working mom. And. It is hard. I am unmotivated at work sometimes thinking about what I'd rather be doing, and busy to my frazzled core at night to make their home as warm and comfy as possible. My color is that they don't care. They love me and wrap themselves in my arms as soon as they see me. It is my hope that they see someday that their daddy and I do everything we do for them - because I take everything they are and fold it up and put it in my pocket and pull it out at least 100 times a day, whether I'm here or there. It's only fair.

Whitney said...

My gray always stems from money issues. Always. But my little boys are always what bring the color back into life. Every.day.

kayla and tyler said...

you are an amazing strong mother and woman!!!
I'm very jealous of your wonderful, perfect skin!! you should tell us all how you keep it so beautiful.

Melanie said...

Gray is the color at our house right now. We are trying to figure out if our 1 year old has a milk intolerance. Hard to think that we've been feeding him milk products for 1 year and his little tummy can't handle it. Along with that it's been a long hard heartfelt search to see if my full-time job is truely what I want to do. Having some of the most difficult conversations with my boss and others in our organization has opened my eyes to the care that others can show. My week although full of gray is seeing rays of yellow slowly peeking through. Time right now to go and enough some small things with two little boys that see the yellow rays in almost any activity!

Mira's mom said...

My gray this week...this summer. My older sister died June 2nd very unexpected, very painful. She was thirty one. A wife, a mother of four, a sister of seven, a daughter..and a unbelievable sweet friend. Have you ever heard the quote " The absence of one person, can make the whole world feel depopulated." That is what it has felt like to know her and for her to be gone now. I know I will see her again one day and that she is complete and whole with Jesus, but this week has been hard. My gray this week...not feeling like I have enough love, hugs, kisses to fill the void in my nieces and nephews life. I want so much to heal that wound...and I can't. But, my joy...my color. Knowing that those children have a heavenly Father who loves them more than I do and He can supply their every need.

Erin said...

way to be honest...gray is good too! your girls are just beautiful~ it kinda makes me want one!! mama to 4 boys~ erin
much love and blessings from ga~

Lesley said...

I have a little girl who will also likely have a shorter lifespan. It is precisely because of this that I don't sweat the small things and I drink in every moment with her. It has changed my whole outlook. And I am not interested in trying to make the square peg fit the round hole. She is awesome exactly the way she is and she knows I think so. This is what matters to me.

The end.

www.bluemorningglory.blogspot.com

Shelley :) said...

...grey is the color of the struggle to accept that life often isn't what we had expected/wished/dreamed it would be. Even though our imperfect pictures can be bitter and pithy and hard to swallow - therein lies the pulp of life itself. It feeds us. It nourishes our souls by allowing us to grow, learn, adjust our lens of perspective. It forces us to taste something we had never even considered trying...ever. But in the trying, we are grateful for having had it. Even if we get it for just a moment, or 50 years, or a lifetime. Gratefulness for all that life throws my way is what turns my grey a shade of pink..like grapefruit :)

JGeary said...

My gray this week is, sad to say, figuring out our holidays. So many people want us in so many places and we just want to be...and for our kids to just be...and live in the excitement, in our pj's all day, playing with new toys, reading new books and celebrating us without driving 5 hours to see one family and five to see another. My happy is right now. My husband is giving me a break and he is playing the guitar for the kids while they try to strum along with him!

Sara said...

My grey... Sometimes I have my grey moments when I think about the birth of my 4th child (coming this April!!!) I have had one natural and two c-sections and am planning a VBAC this time around. I tis hard at times to be positive about VBAC's when the world around you is saying, "plan a c-section... it doesn't matter how the baby comes into this world..." and so on. That is where some of my grey is laying around right now... but I have to turn it around and make it a happy, positive, sunshine yellow. :o) Which is where I am back to now.

Heidi said...

My gray... we did an injectables cycle recently and it didn't work, and the due date of the baby I miscarried is later this month and I was really hoping to be pregnant again before that. Alas, it is not to be.

My color - I, too, am planning on a little redecorating, and it's amazing how energizing a little facelift can be! But my color right now is that I just walked by my son on my way to the kitchen to get him a snack and I rubbed his fuzzy hair on the way by and thought that there was nothing better in the world than to be able to touch his sweet head and hear him laugh at the absurd cartoons on the cartoon network.

teal915 said...

I had this dream for my girls. I didn't even know it, but I found out after Kamdyn was born. I dreamed that I would see them have babies. That I would be able to witness the miracle of love in their hearts one day. I lost that dream when I found out Kamdyn had Down syndrome. I'm still trying to accept that. I will eventually. My ray of color is that I know she will have that love in another way. She will probably love everyone with that pure, unconditional love that I so dreamt of her having. She'll have it. Just in a different way.

scuppie said...

My gray: struggling with career stuff -- should I go back to work? And if I do, what the HELL should I do?

My happy: that I have the luxury to partake in such navel-gazing. We have everything we need, even though money is always tight.

Marie and Justin said...

I would love that roadmap bib! How cute! My gray this week is my hubby leaving for pre-deployment training. I know it's not the real thing but it makes his upcoming deployment so much more real every day. My happy is my 8 week old beautiful smiling happy boy that I just can't stop loving on!

Melina said...

My gray this week is the election. I'm a proud democrat and watching the red sneak up over the map was very very disheartening.

My COLOR is that I'm falling in love!!!!!!!!!!

xox
Melina

TheHouseWifeRookie said...

I get so excited when I see that you have posted!!! You have a beautiful way with words!
My gray this week: My husbands new job keeps him busy with super long hours and he has been missing some magical moments with our sweet baby boy.
My color: That he works so hard at a job so i can do the job I love, staying at home with our baby! I could not be more grateful for that!

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