Monday, December 28, 2009

reflection of thirty-one years.

i turned thirty-one yesterday.



...and it just so happens the mark of the end of my first year into a new decade comes at the beginning of another one and this very climactic stretch of life for us.

brett leaves at the beginning of the year to work up in the chicago area for awhile, returning hopefully in time for the baby and then back up again for a sort-of indefinite period of time.

and it's taken me awhile to grasp it all, but i have finally arrived at the grown-up place of life is what you make it and there are lots of things in life we go through that aren't comfortable or ideal, but they could be so incredibly worse, and a simple life of comfort does nothing to change us, mold us, make us into better, stronger more beautiful versions of ourselves.

i am sad, yes. and we will both be incredibly challenged to make things work...but i know we can.





i have been reminded so much these past couple weeks of just how wonderfully blessed we are and the older i get, the more i embrace change as opportunity to learn just what i am capable of.



i am capable of so much. and i am excited at the opportunity of new challenges, more love and remembering to take the garbage out on tuesday and friday nights from now on.

"humans are designed to seek comfort and order, and so if they have comfort and order, they tend to plant themselves, even if their comfort isn't all that comfortable. and even if they secretly want for something better."
~donald miller

perhaps i had been planted for too long and this little bit of discomfort will challenge me, in my thirty-first year, to push myself more toward new chapters in the story of our life.

they will be good chapters.





the last few days have been such a snowballing of emotions and contemplations and yes, hormones, to settle me into a contended of place of so-be-it. life flows on, and i want to experience every tide, every wave, every calm with purpose.

this week, we have submerged ourselves into our family cacoon, brett taking a little time off, the boys on a ski trip with their mom, and myself nesting and resting.




lainey and her duck...the one that just showed up and hung out in our driveway this morning, welcomed, of course, with a few stale hot dog buns.


and the duck was nice enough to try and share some bun with the baby belly.











lainey shares her puppy with the baby all the time now, just gently rubbing its ear on my belly whenever i sit down...just as i snapped this picture, some body part amazingly shoved up on the left side for a freakishly cool moment.

the last few days, i've been beginning to feel a little bit uncomfortable physically. it's surreal to know in just a matter of a few weeks, we will know her and our lives as we know it will be changed for good. we are counting down the days. we're all so ready...and i can't say enough how much i am just looking forward to snuggling her tiny little self into my neck and inhaling her goodness. and middle of the night feedings when our souls will intertwine and i will drink in the feeling of her breath against me. and watching lainey love and nurture her and embracing the challenge of loving two and teaching two how to love. and seeing brett with a newborn again. he does the newborn thing so naturally and beautifully and it makes me love him all the more.
so much to look forward to. so much.

and while we look forward, just a little peek back at this year...
went through a few folders to pull out some of my favorite images of us taken this year.























...and i think my most favoritest ever...



yes, thirty-one and blessed.

it's amazing all that you can do.



and that, my friends, is a thirty-one year reflection.

20 comments:

Anna Ruth said...

What a reflection on this year and the year that is yet to start. Having this family time with Brett before he leaves will be memories for all of you.

jen said...

happy birthday!
i'm pretty sure if anyone can make it work ... you'll be the one that will successfully pull through those "not-so-ideal" times and make them ... enjoyable ... nonetheless.
i'm brinking on the 33rd year myself ... and breathing through all that there is to think about in these coming weeks.
thinking of you ... wishing you the grandest year ever. believe me ... being a mama to two little girls that first year is so delightful ... i can't wait to see what you do with it.

Domestic Diva said...

happy, happy birthday, kelle!!

*for whatever reason, this new post didn't show up on my blog until just now! what's up with that?

dig this chick said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Birthdays a a beautiful thing. Can't wait to see what this year brings for you and your beautiful family.

Nicole said...

Oh no, your pics are gone!! Stupid photobucket, I had to give in and pay them too :(

Hope you guys have a super-fun celebration in store for tonight..

Happy New Year!!

Tammy B said...

Happy Birthday Kelle! What a great year it's been. I really enjoyed the year in photos. And I love the reflection one of you.

Can't wait to get the news of your new little one in the New Year! It's going to be a good year :)

abbey bernardi said...

Hey Kelle, oh I so know exactly how you feel and although it's hard, you are so good at making lemonade out of lemons. My husband was gone before, during, and 5 months after bayley's birth and it was chalenging for sure, but we got through it. And you are way more positive of a person than me so you will do fine. Happy New Year!!!

Heidi said...

happy birthday!!!
lemonade...yup, abbey said it perfectly.
it will all work out...it always does. and in the mean time, you have baby to look forward to and all that excitement a new creature brings. i know you are floating on air knowing she'll be here SO SOON!!!!

Rachel said...

I just have to laugh sometimes as I read your words. So many things about our lives coincide. Yet, they are different enough in beliefs, experiences, circumstances that I can read your words and glean a new perspective. My husband has taken a new job and is away these next 2 months. You'll be in my thoughts! I love the baby mobile. And the last picture on this post is a fave!

Kendall Bethy said...

happy birthday! and congratulations- looking forward to seeing the new little one, hope all goes well!

Melissa said...

Happy birthday! The new year will be such a lovely one for you and your family with lots of exciting changes. I love the belly shot with the baby butt (or whatever part) poking out. I dreamt that mine poked a full hand print out, kinda creepy but still cool.

Rayna said...

Happy Birthday to my beautiful inside and out friend. You always are one for words and truly are inspirational. I miss you and can't wait to see you next Sat. xoxo

Lisa Y. said...

SO sorry that Brett has to be gone, but thank goodness for email and cell phones. Wow, that last picture makes you resemble your mom a lot. Love and miss you!

Brit Girl said...

Just stopping by to wish you a happy new year (and a belated happy birthday!). Hope 2010 brings you tremendous amounts of joy and happiness. Also, wanted to wish you lots of luck with the imminent addition to your family - I look forward to hearing about her arrival! Take care. S and C xx p.s. And the temporary solo parenting? (adopting bad American accent) You will totally rock it out, girlfriend!

Malissa said...

Happy Belated Birthday and a Happy New Year! The thirty something's are great! Sorry to hear you will be on your own a lot to start this new year. Take care! xo M.

Tisha said...

happy belated birthday, new years and christmas! i'm sure you will rock 2010 out kinks and all cuz well thats just the kinda girl you are!

TRB Holt said...

Kelle with an "E",
I was worried about you so thought I better check to see what you are up to.

Not to take away from your & Brett's new endeavor... Nici's dad traveled pretty much Tuesday - Friday during the first 10 years of her life and you know it was a challenge at times but the family "reunions" each week were terrific! I think, in retrospect, it was her dad who probably got the bum end of the deal...because I got to be there for my two little ones every step. From what I have read about you...this will be an incredible new chapter, one that I look forward to reading!

So hold tight to all you have and remember, “Change is Inevitable ~ Growth is Optional”.

xo,
Grammy of two!

Tammy B said...

Kelle, just wanted to pop in and let you know I've been thinking about you. Hope things are going well.

Lisa Y. said...

Forgot to mention...the picture of Lainey's duck was so cute! That's the kind of ducks I have now. Just two of them. Thelma and Louise.

Ahshanul Hoque said...

I want you to thank for your time of this wonderful read!!! I definately enjoy every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff of your blog a must read blog!!!!

Shuvo,
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