Tuesday, September 30, 2008

i don't want to forget...

the way she runs to the bathroom when she hears daddy turn on the shower...

...and pounds her little hands on the foggy door, begging to climb in...

...the way she tries to undress herself, panicking that if she can't get out of her jammies fast enough, she might miss her chance to take her morning shower with dad...

...the way she melts into a trance when the warm water rains on her back...

...and cries "mo-mo" when you pull her away from the water stream.

...the water beads that stick to her perfect little cheeks before i dry them...

...or the feeling of could-anything-be-cozier-than-this? when i scoop her littleness up into warm terry cloth and kiss those drippy eyelids.

yeah. i'm gunna miss that.

Monday, September 29, 2008

enjoying the small things

i don't have anything miraculous to say today other than...

i've been feeling discontent. and anxious. and so run down by all this economy talk. disheartened with the housing market and gas prices and knowing that things are just bad. disappointed with circumstances.

and then, my guilt moves me to tears.

i think that discontentment is ugly. certainly a little discontentment is good because it nudges us to do something about it. but it rides a fine line near being ungrateful. and, well...i am just so grateful for everything we have.

so, when these days come, i find so much comfort in the little things....

with no further ado...

enjoying today...

1) my crock pot which happens to be the place where magical things are happening these days. magical, in that dinner has been made every night and it's done by noon. and i still can't help but love hearing "babe, that was delicious" after dinner.

today's magic: stuffed green pepper soup (courtesy of my sis, where all my kitchen magic comes from)
2 lbs. cooked beef
3 green peppers chopped
1 can tomato sauce
2 cans diced tomatoes
2pck. onion soup mix
3 tbsp. apple cider vinegar
garlic, salt, pepper
at least 2 cups water
1/2 cup basmati rice, cooked.

throw it in the pot and simmer all day.

2) the light from my flickering friends which sit upon a bed of leaves on my kitchen counter.

they watch me cook and make me happy.

3) the arrival of lainey's ebay halloween costume today. still working on bits of it, but i dressed her in what i have so far and...well, i couldn't get rid of my smile. hmmm...should i give it away? alright, a hint:

let's just say the yellow brick road hasn't seen this kind of cute since...well, ever. sorry, judy.

4) watching cubsy wash the car with daddy. she had this impish little grin the whole time, but every time she caught me watching her, she tried (unsuccessfully) to quit smiling...like she was too cool to smile. she knew she was doin' something special. oh, i love her.

5) being able to be a stay-at-home mom. the most precious gift i could ever have and something i hold so dear to my heart. ...and being able to do the same for lily. i feel honored and important and lucky and so responsible to be what these girls need every day...and more.

6) our little moments together...today, it was real hot-cocoa in tiny cups with heaps of marshmallows. her smile was so worth the stained t-shirt and sticky floor. it always is.

7.) my almost-finished photo wall that is amazing considering the crazy little money i spent on it. pictures to come when finished. and thanks to carin who can stretch a dollar like stretch armstrong and inspires me to do the same.

8.) randomly finding her with a hat on...don't know where she finds them or how she manages to put them on so perfectly, but she loves them.

9.) the way she's mastered drinking out of a cup. not a bottle. not a sippy. but a real grown-up cup. and she does it flawlessly.

10.) realizing that, by the end of writing this post, i forgot why i was discontent.

with this....

...how can i feel anything but blessed. happy. grateful.

...ready to vote next month. passionate about being a part of conquering our country's problems.

...but in the meantime, i'm...

...enjoying the small things. ~k

Saturday, September 27, 2008

to kiss a boo-boo

it all started with a boo-boo...

that she became obsessed with. didn't want it there. tried to scratch it off. whined about it. milked it for all it was worth.

so, i kissed it.
...because even the little boo-boos deserve a kiss.

what followed...well, i couldn't help myself.

it's just that this face...

...just begs to be smooched.

...enjoying a loungy, lazy saturday...and my very kissable things. ~k

Friday, September 26, 2008

a little jewel i like to call creativity

i don't wish much for lainey's future other than that she is happy and feels loved.

although i believe in education, i don't need her to go to harvard or yale.

i know money can buy a lot of life's pleasures, but i don't desire her to be rich.

i do, however, ask for one thing...

...make her creative.

give her a passion for creating. for crafting. for painting. for writing. for making something of nothing. because no matter what else is going on in life, creativity fuels so much happiness and confidence.

just let her be creative.

...and so we foster it. today, painting outside with baylee (and lily who was not available for photos for she was strapped to my chest in a bjorn).

...followed by a good wash-off in the yard hose.

thank you mom and dad for teaching us about art. for fueling our passion for making something from nothing. for exposing us to culture. for sewing and cooking and writing and crafting and showing us the joys of creativity.

just let her be creative.

...enjoying the no-paint-by-numbers-for-this-chick things. ~k

Thursday, September 25, 2008

i'll take "relishing these moments" for $200, alex

again, today:

...and i have two things to say about this:

a) i so have learned my lesson to stop leaving the pantry doors open.

b) (and i'm gunna get really long-winded here and tangent into some motherly emotional banter...just a friendly warning).

sigh. okay. here goes.

life is a choose-your-own-adventure book, and i don't know if it was having a baby or just getting nearer to the third decade of my life, but i have so embraced this philosophy of finding and loving the good in everything, everywhere, everyone.

and this stage? this i've-actually-named-the-vacuum-(frank, in case you were wondering)-because-we've-been-seeing-a lot-of-each-other-these-days stage? this she-knows-what-she-wants-and-she'll-use-all-her-will power-to-tell-me stage? it's magic. and my dad's comment yesterday hit me hard:

Someday when you are old, you will look at a spotless floor and wish for the spill of the child who has gone away.

and i pictured it. our family, around the dinner table someday far off... and they're all grown up. and we are laughing and remembering the baby days. and we'll tell stories of how our little cubby got into everything and how many times i had to sweep up piles of cheerieos or vacuum a blanket of oats. and although it will be all too sweet and wonderful to see our kids matured and full of personality, i know it will sting...just wanting to go back for a little while to this face.

this little face of the baby that once was. i take nothing for granted. not one little moment.

last night, after i read her a book and sang her "our" song, we rocked in the dark as she thumbed the ear on her puppy and breathed a little heavier against my chest. and then i said our good-night prayer as we do every night and prayed in the same order as we always do.

thank you for our home, our health, our toys, our food, our jobs, our happiness. thank you for cubby and all the joy she brings us.

watch over her as she sleeps...protect her from all harm. let your guardian angels--and grandpa & grandma cryderman--comfort her as she sleeps. bring her sweet dreams and memories and help her always to feel love and comfort in her crib.

help all the little parts of her body to grow healthy and strong and work perfectly, just as you have created them to. help her little brain to learn more about your world each day and help us and all those around her to find ways to teach her love and peace, kindness and patience, gratitude and contentment and for her to grow up using her talents to help others.

and bless our family...be with...

...and at this point, i usually go through the list, beginning with daddy, mommy, lainey and bruh-bruhs and on to the grandpas, the grandmas, the aunts, the uncles, etc...

and, while i thought she may already be asleep and could only see the silouette of her little body in the dark, i watched as she pulled her binky out of her mouth in the middle of the prayer and quietly chimed in:

"bruh-bruh. bruh-bruh."

tears instantly welled as i ran out to tell brett...she prayed. she knows what comes next. she wanted to pray for her brothers and she knows that's what we pray for every night. and what this all means--the comfort of a nightly routine repeated, just the same, every night, the understanding of caring for others, the importance of austyn and brandyn to her...it's all just so much. and that's how every day has been these last weeks...so, so much. and yes, there are fits (a.k.a.: self-discovery outbreaks) and spills and messes. yes, i'm far more wiped out at night than i have been in a long time. but it's nights like last night and all the discoveries in between that remind me how much i will miss this all when we do finally gather at that dinner table with our beloved kids...all grown up.

(f.y.i.: the above prooves baby feet make killer book-ends)

...and you certainly didn't think i'd close up this post without paying homage to fall once more?

we're just a couple wheat bundles short of a farm.

...enjoying the taking-nothing-for-granted things. ~k

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

autumn, part tweux. (that's three)

although it's entirely been one of these days...:

(yes, she dumped an entire canister of quaker oats onto the kitchen floor)...

...candy corn kinda makes it all better.

october's a week away...there are preparations to be made!

...enjoying the there's-always-something-good-about-your-day things. ~k

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

autumn part deux (of many)

let's just say it's a used-to-live-in-the-north-but-moved-south thing...this prematurely-obsessed-with-fall craziness. 'cuz i talked to my friend who lives across the street (from indiana) and she too is seeing a therapist for obsessively wanting to make pumpkin bread and burn 'autumn wreath' tarts. well, not really, but she did agree that we northerners-turned-southerners know how to appreciate autumn's lavish blessings and it's a good thing we go all out for these floridians who wouldn't know a good fall if it hit 'em in the face. no offense, crackers.

so, upon seeing the early arrival of carmel apples at our local publix, i couldn't help myself.
...and cubs ate the entire thing minus the remains of seeds and apple carcass i had to pry from her deathly grip (followed by a chorus of wails and tears).

is there anything more fallish than sticky carmel fingers and nutty baby breath? i think not.

and, i figure, at the florida rate, late september is like...well, early december. so, really, i should be christmas shopping. (and don't even get me started on the christmas excitement button i've had to turn off in my brain lest i get psychotic-ally ahead of myself).

oh, holidays are divine...simply divine, and i'll be darned if my kids (that's one plus the many imaginary ones in my mind i want to have) don't grow up with memories of those calendar treasures being glorified to what they ought to be... enjoyed to the very last drop.

go bake a pie. go smell an apple. relish the changing of seasons. ...even if you do live in florida.

...enjoying the same-thing-as-yesterday things.