Wednesday, June 25, 2008

it's not so bad

motherhood is easy when everything goes just right.
but it doesn't. it's the "doesn't" times when i really feel like i'm a good mom.

today was a "doesn't," a "lemons"...a "how-am-i-going-to-get-through-this-day" kind of day. i had one of those sinus headaches where you just want to stab a needle into the hollow above your cheeks and drain the crap you know dwells there (i know, disgusting), and cubby is breaking molars that i'm expecting to come in shaped like saw-tooth daggers the way she's hurting. my normally happy girl has been crying on and off all day, biting hard on anything she sees, wanting to be held constantly, throwing anything i give her on the floor (charming), etc.

so, it's easy to get frustrated...to think i can't do it.

but then i see it as a challenge...these are the opportunities i can prove to myself (and to her) that i am a fantastic mom. i envision my supermom cape (mine is royal blue, in case you wondered...with an "M" embroidered in gold thread), and i go above and beyond to do it right...to love her, to kiss her little blond head when she throws the teething ring i thought would soothe her on the floor in a fit of tears and tell her i'm sorry. that i love her. regardless of the tears and the whining.

we got through this day. cubby is sleeping, dinner's in the oven, i'm one sudafed away from falling asleep, and i feel like i did it (without crying too!).

oh, and yes...we managed to catch a few smiles despite the tears today...
(i've learned her real smile is when her little almond eyes squint into tiny little slits...and it's just a mess of creases and teeth. i.e.: bottom left square. that's when she's really happy. pure delight.)

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and, we might be biased, but seriously...check out her lashes.

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the supermom cape is folded away for another day...(say, when she's 13 and thinks i'm seriously dumb) ...and there's a dvr'd episode of 'deadliest catch' waiting for b and i tonight. the headache is fading, and really...it's not so bad.

6 comments:

Poppa said...

Some days we want to continue...like we could buy some extra minutes to enjoy. Some days, we want to end...and try again tomorrow. Good job. Take the Sudafed. Feel the coolness of the pillow against your cheeks. I will pray Cubby sleeps well tonight and the morning will usher in a better day. Love, hugs and kisses to you all. (I think she needs a late-night Poppa walk around your beautiful neighborhood!}

Steph said...

Oh, I am sorry that the two of you weren't feeling well yesterday. Hopefully today is better! Oh my gosh, Kelle....her face in the last pic is too much. Poor 'lil punkin'

cjs said...

the collage could win a prize!!! send it in! send it in!

I think the real reason for your bad day is the coughing ship captain on hiatus from your show.

this music sounds like classical guitar. reminds me of mom's christopher parkening cassette and how MAD she'd get when she thought we took it.

hope today is better.

Steph C said...

Bunny hunts sound fun can't wait until Skye or Dante want to go on bunny hunts. She is too cute Kelle love the photos she photographs beautiful!

dig this chick said...

Awe I missed her! "a mess of creases and teeth." Love that.

Val, Mike, Brax and Harper said...

wow... this made me think.
it's those "doesn't" days where i usually go to bed thinking how much i suck and i wish i could have a do-over. next time we have a rough day i am seriously going to imagine putting on the cape. in fact i may just go buy a real one.
i have been reading thru your blog starting w/ your first post... it's like a best selling book! i have to ask, do you ever have a day where things are so jacked that you DON'T have time to appreciate all these beautiful little things? you inspire me, girl.